Parshas Metzora: Don't say "lashon hara"

Much of the underlying tension between the "Ultra-Orthodox" and the "Modern-Orthodox" centers around the emphasis of ritual. The Ultra-Orthodox lament that the Moderns don't care enough about following halacha strictly, whereas Modern Orthodoxy feels that there is an overemphasis on halacha in the Ultra-Orthodox world to the point that they follow many things they don't have to. I personally think there are merits to both arguments.

One way combat this tension is to emphasize the underlying ethics of halacha. As we bring out the universal principles within our legal system, those caught up in ritual will hopefully realize there is something beyond the acts that are encouraged or prohibited by halacha, and those who are repelled by ritual will hopefully realize that the rituals themselves are more than mere actions.

A good example of this concept is use of the term lashon hara. Often, people find themselves with groups that are not so careful how they speak about other people. Sometimes, they may feel comfortable enough with these people to suggest a break in the lashon hara. However, if you actually say "guys, please stop with lashon hara," chances are it will produce nothing but a moment of awkward silence, and a few sarcastic smirks and rolls of the eyes. Why? Because you used the ritualistic (halachik) term as opposed to emphasizing the actual wrong is being done.

Maybe saying "Guys, can we not talk behind someones else's back," or "how can you judge him/her if you don't know their situation?" would be more effective.

On the flipside, those that are careful about "lashon hara" as it is legally defined, may miss out on the message. A person may be careful not to insult anyone, but not as careful when judging them, or when actually speaking to that same person. We must follow rules as rituals, yet be cognizant of the message.

So, here is a nice vort explaining the message of lashon hara (I stole it from a Yeshivat Reishit Yerushalayim email):

SEEING THE WHOLE PERSON by Rav Yehoshua Landau

The Parsha describes the process of a person becoming a metzora including the Kohein's responsibility to actually declare him impure. The Passuk says "And the Kohein sees the blemish in the skin….and the kohein sees it and declares him tamei." (13:3) Why does the Torah repeat that the kohein sees it? Those words, "v'ra'ahu hakohein," seem to be completely extraneous!

The Meshech Chachma's answer to this question can be illustrated through a story related by Rav Mordechai Kaminetsky involving Rav Chaim Ozer Grodzinski. A young boy came before Rav Chaim Ozer and asked the gadol for a letter of recommendation for his father who wanted to be the Rav of a certain town. Rav Chaim Ozer knew that the father was not worthy of this position but he did not want to outright reject this boy who clearly traveled so far on behalf of his father. So, the Rav made up an excuse about not wanting to mix in the business of another town and the like. The boy was frustrated and began pressing the Rav and actually crossed certain lines of respect in the process to the point that Rav Chaim Ozer had to stand up and leave the room.

The boy left and Rav Chaim Ozer returned to the room. His students asked him why he did not rebuke the boy for the disrespectful manner in which he was speaking. Rav Chaim Ozer explained that he had to look at the entire picture. Here is a boy who was clearly desperate to assist his father and who knows what the situation is like for him back home. In extenuating circumstances one has to overlook certain things and, therefore, he did not rebuke the boy.

The Meshech Chachma explains that the kohein goes through a two step process before declaring the person impure. First, he must check to see if the blemish qualifies as tzaraas based on all of the intricate laws. However, even if the kohein determines that it qualifies as tzaraas, he must check into the person himself to assess if this person can become a metzora at this point. The impurity was a spiritual one which depended on the kohein making this declaration. If the kohein, after looking into the person's situation, "v'raahu oso," concludes that he should not become a metzora, then he is absolutely not a metzora regardless of the type of blemish. Thus, it the person is a chosson or it is close to a yom tov, or if there is any other reason not to make him a metzora, the kohein has that power of discretion and that is captured by the second "seeing" described in the verse.

A very meaningful and timely lesson can be learned from this idea. All too often we react reflexively to someone who bothers us or is acting improperly. We do not pause to consider that there might be any number of reasons why the person is acting this way. We must take that extra step, just like kohein, to determine what is really going on with this person before reacting with rebuke or negativity.

There could be no more perfect time to work on the attribute of judging the entire person as we learn in Pirkei Avot, then during the Omer. As we mourn the deaths of Rabbi Akiva's sons and strive to respect one another, let us all begin that process by giving others the benefit of the doubt and truly understanding why they are acting the way they are acting before reacting ourselves.