Adventures in Chinuch (and other stories)

Prevention

2011-08-17T22:07:00.000-04:00

As chazal tell us, G-d sometimes is makdim refuah l'maka - he provides the solution to a problem before bringing about the problem itself. Such a trait is definitely one of those that we should be emulating. If people would spend as much time trying to prevent problems from arising as much as they do solving (read: complaining about) them, we would be in a much better place.

This idea has come to the forefront on the heels of the recent tragedy. Much has been made (and rightfully so) of teaching our children about safety with strangers. However, prevention should not be reserved for confronting life-and-death issues. Many life lessons and skills should be instilled in children before the problems that necessitate these lessons and skills arise.

For example, wouldn't it be great if a school would start teaching kids about how to properly respect one another before the bullying starts? Most of the time this stuff is focused on only after the problem begins and the maladaptive patterns of behavior (from both the bully and the bullied) become habit.

However, schools are busy educating our kids (hopefully) and don't really have the time or resources to create and implement serious social skills programs. Therefore, it is left to parents to take care of these issues. (Can you imagine that? Parenting being left to parents?)

So parents, please, find the time to talk to your children about the "serious" things like drugs, drinking, bullying, and abuse. But also find the time to discuss being kind, empathetic, and unafraid to be different before they are mean to a classmate or teased for being "weird." Warn them that others may be richer or smarter than them, but also teach them about priorities and self-esteem.

If you follow this advice you will benefit greatly. You don't want to be stuck cleaning up messes, no matter how little they may seem. And more importantly, your children will benefit immensely if they receive the tools to develop as confident and well-adjusted people. Don't rely on schools to fulfill this important responsibility - it is yours first.

On Flashmobs and Maccabeats Part II: Subjectivity in Judaism

2011-08-07T20:30:00.001-04:00

This whole Morasha flashmob thing is getting interesting as I finally have some people arguing with what I am saying. So I will try to milk this as much as possible by tackling every related issue until I get bored. Here goes:

The first issue is whether I have a right to an opinion here at all. After all, isn't there a Torah opinion on all matters? Shouldn't I just find out what that is from a Rabbi or two and just go with that? Obviously (to some at least), it's not that simple.

The starting point here is the fact that not every action a person takes is confined by normative halacha. This of course does not exclude us from using discretion in the areas outside the Shulchan Aruch. Rather, it provides us with a different set of parameters for decision making. The question is what are those parameters? The answer to this question is really what drives 90% of debate and division among Orthodox Jews.

I will avoid elaborating on every approach as I don't really know all of them and even if I did, it might take too long. So I will say what I have to say, and leave it up to the reader to decide whether to criticize or say amen.

This discussion gets off the ground with a simple "why." Why, if the defining characteristic of Orthodox Judaism is to be subservient to G-d's will, would G-d hide his will from us in certain areas? Why not tell us how much to eat, how much to sleep, and what color clothing we should wear? I think the answer is a combination of two factors: The importance of human interaction with the religion and the fact that people relate to G-d and life in different ways.

As far as the first factor is concerned, this is nothing new. The written Torah is a very ambiguous document. It is full of general rules without details and vague commandments without description. And even for the details and descriptions that were given orally, not every specific situation was elaborated. Much was left to us to explain, derive, and decide.

Why G-d created it this way, I cannot say. However, I can discuss the benefits of such a format. Firstly, religion is going to appeal more to people when they feel as if they have input; they can now relate to it better. This reason explains the benefit, but is there a necessity as well? I say yes.

People are different from one another. We all think, feel, and react differently when presented with the same information and situations. This is the simple reality. Again, I don't think it's likely that anyone can tell you why G-d created us this way. However, once we acknowledge this fact, the ambiguous nature of the Torah makes a lot more sense. Each individual is now provided with the proper amount of autonomy to decide how different aspects of G-d's manifesto applies to their lives.

Although taking this approach to its extreme would create a Judaism without any real standards, a line can be drawn. If we take the Oral Torah seriously, each comandment comprises specifics as to how it is followed. These details are (for the most part) objective, and define the requirement of and the limits to our behavior. However, there are many areas that are not defined by commandments. By leaving these areas open, G-d has provided a significant amount of autonomy over our lives.

We are not told how much to eat at meals, what music to listen to (music of avodah zara notwithstanding), or how to spend our free time. And most importantly, we are not told how to make meaning out of the world around us. Many of us shun secular culture, while others embrace it. Some of can relate to G-d throgh biology, others through good deeds, and a third via intensive Torah study. With these areas up to us, we can now connect to G-d and religion in ways that jive with our personalities and attitudes.

With this approach in hand, I feel comfortable recognizing multiple legitimate approaches to how we lead our extra-halachik lives. I also feel comfortable saying that decisions can change based on context. It would follow then, that we don't have the right to tell people what is appropriate and inappropriate in these areas. Any honest approach towards G-d, Judaism, and life should be legitimized, granted that it finds its source in the Torah and that it includes the areas that are objectively defined as being important/required.

So when people make comments like "it is a complete breach of tznius to allow such things" or "it is horrible that we are settling for less with our children," they are often undermining this fundamental of Judaism. Everyone has a right to their opinion, including those who want to be more restrictive. But opinions should be expressed and elaborated in a way that says "I respect you opinon, but here is mine," as opposed to "you are wrong, and this is how it has to be."

A little "live and let live" can go a long way.

On Flashmobs and Maccabeats (sorry for the multiple posts)

2011-07-31T23:37:00.003-04:00

When you call a Yeshiva and are put on hold, do you hear the sweet sounds of Michael Bolton on Lite Fm, or do you hear Shwecky (if you are lucky) or the Miami Boys Choir (if you aren't)? When you watch a slideshow from a Jewish Camp is the background music Pink of Avraham Fried? Have Adam Sandler or Jason Alexander ever been the keynote speakers at the YU graduation?

Nobody should blame Jewish schools and camps for presenting themselves in a more Jewish way. After all, these rganizations aim to promote Jewish values. This is why it piqued my interest a bit when I came across the Morasha flashmob video being promoted by @Jerjoszef on Twitter. The fact that such an event occurred is not as surprising to me as the fact that it was promoted by the camp as something they were proud of.

More poignantly, imagine if one of the YP shiurim at YU decided to perform a flashmob in the middle of Amsterdam Avenue to a song by the Black Eyed Peas. Pretty controversial. Yet, this is essentially what is happening here. A Yeshiva University camp, with a serious Kollel and a BeisMedrash program and run by Rabbis sends a group of kids to dance in public to some non-Jewish party song, and then proudly displays it on the internet! Yet, this represents a step in the right direction.

(I am aware that the kollel members and Rabbis of this camp would mostly not approve of the flashmob. However, it is still striking that a camp would foster a kollel and employ Roshei Yeshiva, while at the same time inviting activities that are not characteristic of the classic "ben Torah" or "Bas Torah.")

Imagine if some campers from Camp Agudah or some bochrim from the Fallsburg Yeshiva decided to post a flashmob or Chanuka-related song parody on the internet. Imagine the outcry! Round-the-clock tehillim recitals at the koisel! For all those who think we live in the same world as the Yeshivish, here is a perfect test-case to prove you wrong.

Yet, if we were to poll all Limmdei Kodesh faculty from all Jewish day-schools and high-schools in the Tristate Area, what percentage would approve of such an event? Dancing in public! Where is the sense of anavah? Girls and boys performing together! Where is the perishus? Girls displaying themselves in public! Where is the tznius? And don't you know tznius applies to boys as well?

I give credit to Morasha for not being afraid to encourage kids to have fun in a healthy way without being concerned for the camp's image (3 weeks issue nonwithstanding). And this is what our camps are about: giving kids the freedom to express themselves in a (somewhat) serious Jewish context. Many of us owe more of our Jewish identity to our summer camp experiences than to the ones we had the other 10 months of the year. Some might say that their camp experiences helped form a positive Jewish identity despite their experiences in school.

This is similar to the Maccabeats phase from last year. The Jewish community embraced their video. Even though it involved using a non-Jewish tune and guys "displaying" themselves on the internet. My daughter came home from school singing "I flip my latkes in the air sometimes." It did not bother her teachers and it did not bother me.

Moving forward, we must realize that viewing Torah-values and thew values of our youth as polar opposites is harmful. Such a viewpoint sets chinuch up as a competition between "us" and "them," as a clash of ideals. Instead, we must embrace the new way of relating and channel it in a way that will help our kids feel understood, appreciated, and that Judaism has a place in their lives. So instead or railing against secular culture, Facebook, and texting, let's show them how to use this media properly, but in a way that is still enjoyable.

I don't intend these remarks to be taken in an Aish HaTorah/NCSY sort of way where the goal is is to seem cool just to get kids to drink the Kool-Aid. I usually consider such efforts to be inappropriate ways of marketing Judaism. My approach is different. I believe that modes of personal expression and communication change from generation, and these innovations are not necessarily "good" or "bad." Instead, they represent a new way of relating that comes with positives and negatives. Change often makes people uncomfortable, and therefore vulnerable to emphasizing the negative. However, in this case, focusing on the positive will do a lot more good than criticizing the negative. Instead of trying to "beat" our kids, let's get busy "joining" them. Maybe then they will hear what we have to say.

*Time Love and Tenderness is one of the first tapes I ever owned. No regrets.

Simply Making a Point

2011-04-04T23:37:00.003-04:00

On Sunday, we had a great speaker come in who really captivated the kids. His message was that we should all be open to recognizing how Judaism can be for our benefit as people and not a set of silly rituals we do for G-d.

But it wasn't the message that was so unique, it was the delivery. The speech had probably 3o minutes of introduction and 7 to 10 minutes of meaningful content. Not only that, but there was only one message he attempted to get across. Oh, and there was not one quote from any "Torah source."

So often, people giving speeches choose complexity over clarity. They ask 4 questions with 3 answers each and each answer has 2 proofs. Such speeches go over many people's heads (especially male teenagers at Sunday school). Sometimes (or more often than that) it is more effective to package one simple 5 minute message in 40 minutes of entertainment, than all the pesukim and statements from Chazal in the world.

The Root of the Problem? (Part II)

2011-03-25T08:15:00.000-04:00

Over at Ezzie's blog, a commenter who goes by the moniker Jewish Atheist had a few comments on my last post. I would like to address his comments (in blue) with my own thoughts.

Jewish Atheist writes:
I think I agree with you, although I think I'd put a different spin on it. You make it sound like the rabbis always have the right values and the parents always have the wrong ones. In my personal experience, a lot of the difference was that the parents were actually Modern Orthodox and the rabbis were not, so it was more about hashkafo than about having "little-to-no commitment to the ideals and practices of Judaism."

Modern Orthodoxy constantly confuses me. I should take that back: The theory of Modern Orthodoxy doesn't really confuse me, rather it is the practice of Modern Orthodoxy today that I have trouble understanding. Without going into many of the details, suffice it to say that many Modern Orthodox families seem to have very inconsistent commitments to Orthodoxy. Certain aspects of their religious lives are consistent with standard Torah and Rabbinic Judaism, while some of their actions can be exonerated by less-than-mainstream opinions, and still other activities and attitudes completely contradict accepted Jewish laws and essential Jewish values.

The presence of (seemingly) contradictory values is in itself not surprising; in every circle of Judaism you will find those who have trouble practicing what they preach. However, in my experiences it is the attitude of many Modern Orthodox that distinguishes their version of hypocrisy. The approach usually involves doing "what feels right" religiously, which sometimes conforms to mainstream halacha and sometimes doesn't. What stands out is the lack of accompanying philosophy; it's often more about inertia than anything else.

I suppose, and hope, that what I am describing here is based on what I see outwardly. Many of those who I am describing must feel connected to Judaism, and surely can provide the theory for their actions. However, the same way that I have trouble sensing the meaning behind the actions and decisions of many in the Modern Orthodox world, I believe the kids from these homes do as well. When pop-culture and secular values are embraced the way they are in many homes, it becomes very difficult to convey the importance of a "Jewish lifestyle." This is especially difficult for children and teens who often see things in black-and-white, and have difficulty appreciating nuances.

So, I when I say that parents have "little-to-no commitment to the ideals and practices of Judaism," I mean two things: One, that many of these parents actually have little-to-no commitment to the ideals and practices of Judaism. And two: that many of those who do struggle with, or have given up on, adequately passing these values on to their children.

Jewish Atheist continues:
I know I started distrusting the rabbis early on because of some of those differences. For example, my mother had a good friend from childhood who was not Jewish, but one of my rabbis insisted that Jews and non-Jews could never have real friendship, that the non-Jew would always eventually "turn on you." This was in 4th grade. Other rabbis were blatantly sexist and racist. But even beyond blatant stuff like that, there was a pervasive disrespect for all things modern -- for secular studies, for professions outside of chinuch, etc. etc. Values that our parents instilled in us.

Although growing up many of us had "yeshivish" Rabbis, the trend today is for more middle of the road teachers who are sympathetic to the students' backgrounds. The "racist/sexist" Rebbeim that we like to stereotype are few and far-between. Yet, the discrepancy in values is still huge, including objectively important values such as the importance of tefilla and talmud torah, modesty, and respect for other people's feelings, to name a few.

Jewish Atheist concludes:
I know why it's like that. There just aren't enough rabbis who are truly modern to teach the schools. To blame it on the parents strikes me as unfair. There were some rabbis who legitimately believed in Modern Orthodoxy and represented it well, but they were few and far between. The rest basically waffled back and forth, didn't offer a coherent message, and regularly violated values that we were taught by our parents.

What JA brings up here is a major problem, and also reveals a tremendous failure in the practical application of Modern Orthodoxy. There are very few Modern Orthodox educators and administrators (although there are more now than ever). On the most basic level, I believe this is simply due to the same problem I have been discussing. In many Modern Orthodox circles, the transmission of basic Jewish values is being sacrificed for the sake of embracing modernity. Unfortunately, the importance of passing on Torah knowledge and values in a formal way has become one of these casualties. There just aren't enough Modern Orthodox Jews who feel compelled to make the sacrifices required by a career in chinuch. So who do they expect will teach in your schools, if they won't?

And again, I repeat this fact. Although I consider myself a "Modern Orthodox" m'chanech I am routinely appalled/disappointed/saddened by the behavior, language, and attitude of many of my students and others that I come in contact with. This as nothing to do with me being anti-secular knowledge, anti-culture, anti-work, anti-zionist, racist, sexist, or homophobic. My disappointment is not only in how these kids are religiously, but how they are as people as well.

The Modern Orthodox community needs to take a long look at itself the mirror and ask "Who are we?" "What do we value?" and "Are we properly transmitting our values to our children?" If the answer to the last question is "no," then I think we all know where to start making changes.

The Root of the Problem?

2011-03-10T16:06:00.000-05:00

To really get to the bottom of today's chinuch dynamic, we must start with those who are actually responsible for chinuch: parents. Although chinuch is often outsourced to surrogates known as "teachers," the fact remains that those with the greatest impact on, and responsibility for the chinuch of today's youth are those who brought this generation into existence.

So, if we in the world of chinuch are upset, confused, disgusted, or disappointed by the attitudes and actions of many of our students, we should know where to turn. Additionally, if we impressed, pleasantly surprised, or inspired by the same students, we should also know who to thank. And most importantly, this means that if we want to start dealing with problems (or see if there is such a possibility), we should know exactly where to go.

Education is clearly most effective when it is being enforced at home. The effort a school puts forth to imbue students with a love of and respect for learning will be exponentially fruitful if those values are repeated at home. In such a dynamic, the school is really the protagonist, and the actions of the parents should be seen as force that keeps the momentum going from day-to-day. When it comes to values, on the other hand, it should be the parents providing the main force with the schools facilitating the continuity.

Unfortunately, this is far from the case with many (I refrained from using "most" here, but I was close) students. Parents are more often than ever relying on schools to teach their kids religious and moral values and to make their kids normal people. However, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that such a system is doomed to fail.

In general, children form their identities from the time they are born, and mostly from what they learn at home. Therefore, students who are not taught religious values at home will see the school as contradicting what they "believe" in, not enhancing their characters. This dynamic creates a default setting of "contentious" before getting started. A school with a positive environment can overcome this problem, but that requires toeing the fine line between being a school and a camp.

Another issue is that religion and morality require responsibility and effort. The other option, doing whatever you feel like, is not exactly a burden. As the Torah tells us, " yetzer lev adam rah mineu'rav." A person is predisposed to be selfish and lazy, and we are asking children to change that way of thinking. If change is seen as the only option, then we are headed the right way. However, if children have their home-setting to fall back on, why wouldn't they choose it.

And even if students are willing to be open to listening, we must remember school is an artificial setting. If we want our young men and women to learn how to be good people and to value religion, it must be done in a natural environment. Religion and morality are not relegated to a certain place or a time, rather they represent the catalyst for most of, if not all, our thoughts, actions, and relationships. Real-life skills are best taught in real life.

Bottom line: for the religious school environment to be successful, the home and school experiences must be somewhat in harmony

To tell you the truth, most of this post has been written while giving the benefit of the doubt. Generously, I assumed that parents actually care that their children develop proper priorities. Additionally, I took for granted that parents generally share the same values as the schools, but have difficulty putting those values into practice to set good examples. Is that really true? Just some food for thought/comments until the next post...

Update: Sorry, I forgot to include the comments from the last post that inspired me to write this one. As astute commenter and grizzled veteran of child-raising, Ephraim Frenkel, writes:

Speaking as a parent and not an educator, I don’t think the solution lies solely in the classroom or even in educating children. How many parents are the “disinterested souls” you mention that are passing on disingenuous actions to their children? As parents, our children will look to us first for a role model and their inspiration. If we as parents cannot pass on the sincerity in our performance of mitzvot and rituals we will perpetuate superficiality of our religion which will unfortunately lead to more disenfranchised Jews. I commend you for attempting to address the problem, but you must attack it from two fronts – the classroom and the home. To be truly successful, you will not only need to educate your students but re-educate the parents.

And as Master of the Succinct, The Attack, writes:

What goes on at home is infinitely more important to the students than what goes on in school.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Teaching Meaningful Judaism

2011-02-24T12:42:00.004-05:00

I got some good feedback from last week's post, including an off-the-blog response that I would like to share parts of. Thanks to Rabbi Dov Emerson of DRS and Rabbi Jonathan Kroll of S/A/R High-School for taking the time to comment.

The basic precedent we put forward was that we need a more patient and understanding approach for our students when it comes to religion. Instead of focusing on “getting them to do things,” we should be more concerned with teaching the meaning of what we do and letting the appreciation grow over time.

The following comments are printed with permission; my comments in bold.

Rabbi Emerson says:

When it comes to expecting our students to participate in the often-challenging rituals of Orthodox Jewish practice (tzitzis, kippah, etc), I definitely agree that more time needs to be spent educating them as to the meaning (and beauty) behind these mitzvos. By extension, I personally feel that we need to invest more time and energy in developing full-fledged "Jewish Philosophy" courses, even for younger students.

I would have to agree 100% with this assertion. Besides changing our approach to students on an informal level, we should also design curricula directed at teaching and eliciting thoughtful approaches to religious observance.

However, here is what Rabbi Kroll had to say:

In response to this concern, we started a new piece of curriculum this year. Twice a week groups of 8 kids meet with a faculty member to learn about different mitzvot. These study-groups focus on textual mekorot and, more significantly, on how our students can find meaning and on how they behave with regard to these mitzvot. We worked on the curriculum over the summer and it has been generally well received...The point is to create a lot of conversation but to do so in a way that an entire grade is working on the same thing at the same time.

However, in my humble opinion, the primary motivation for the vast majority of kids is not intellectual understanding of meaning behind mitzvot but rather an emotional attachment with the orthodox community. Role models who exhibit the right behavior are much more powerful than texts that explain proper religious conduct.

I think what Rabbi Kroll says here is very important and has practical implications. As much as we would love to create programs that focus on the meaning of Judaism, we can’t assume that they are the antidote. I have experienced many times that I have prepared a meaningful unit/discussion topic that I thought would pique some sort of existential interest, and the reaction was “eh.”

As Rabbi Kroll points out, the capacity and drive to truly understand religion is not necessarily shared by all of our students. That being the case, we must be extra-careful to set a positive example of mitzvah observance, and to convey the right attitude during our informal interactions. It may be these moments that have the greatest impact.

I was also forwarded additional comments from someone who took this problem further. He felt (and I tend to agree) that to teach "the basics of Judaism" is not as easy as it sounds. There are a multitude of issues that can prevent teaching these subjects properly (including time constraints, student maturity, and environment), and we must be aware of them before embarking on such an endeavor. As he points out "it is not better to teach the basics of Judaism than to teach them poorly." We should only be addressing these topics if we can give them the proper treatment.

Going forward, we really must ask ourselves which concepts are really meaningful to students at certain ages and which concepts might be pointless or even damaging to teach. Can anyone out there share topics that in their teaching experiences have been successful or not?

All We Need is Just a Little Patience

2011-02-14T08:30:00.001-05:00

Bad teeth are a curse. Trust me on that; I am the proud owner of more than 30 fillings. However, there is a very important lesson we can learn from bad teeth (besides the importance of flossing). That lesson is to think about the future.

Anyone who wasn't unconscious for the first eleven years of their life knows that we get two sets of teeth. Having a first set is very practical; it serves as a chinuch set. Children learn about dental hygiene from their first set. They are taught how to take care of their teeth and that orange juice tastes nasty after brushing. They learn about the decay incurred by neglecting their teeth, and about the resulting pain that follows.

However, after ten or so years of learning about their teeth, a funny thing happens. G-d says: "Hey kid, you know those teeth you ruined with candy? You know those teeth you practiced on? I'm going to take them away and give you a new set on which to display your newly acquired dental skills." What a relief. Can you imagine if other things in life worked that way? Wouldn't it be great if you could just say, "Well even though I just messed this up, it doesn't matter, as long as I get it right later on?"

When it comes to chinuch, this is the attitude that we generally need. I had this thought the other day when dealing with my oldest daughter (she's four). Recently, she has become very difficult at bedtime. She is now a brown-belt in manipulative behavior, and her weapons of choice are the phrases "but that's not fair!" and "but I want to tell mommy one more thing!" Once I realized this was becoming a real problem, I began with the I-cannot-allow-her-to-think-she-can-get-away-with-murder approach. Meaning, I spoke sternly, sometimes raising my voice, and used threats. My reasoning was simple: I want my children to "do the right thing" and in this case that means going to sleep on time and listening to Mommy and Daddy.

Suddenly, I had this epiphany: I should only be concerned with how my daughter will turn out in the future, not what she is doing now. So what if she is staying up a late and giving us a hard time? If she’s normally a good kid, then there's no reason to panic. Just think about the positive effects that will result from us showing her patience and understanding instead of discipline.

The art of patience is crucial in both raising children and chinuch in schools. A major obstacle in the world of chinuch is how desperate many of us feel to have our students doing the right thing as soon as possible. We get upset when our students won't daven and we panic when they don't eat kosher. We worry when boys and girls touch. So we take it upon ourselves to band-aid these problems. We force our boys to wear tefillin, and tell our girls how to dress. We sermonize and preach at best, and punish and threaten at worst. So much time and energy is put in to strategies that lead to nowhere but frustration.

This problem exists on a more subtle level as well. Due to our desperation, we often deliver messages, without even realizing, in ways that are less than ideal. Who hasn't at some point in their career told a kid to "talk like a Jew" or told a girl to "dress like a bas torah" or said to a student "did you put on your underwear this morning? Yes? So how could you forget tzitzis which are much more important?" The common theme to these statements is that they express complicated and important messages in an overly-concise manner and are therefore rendered ineffective.

The consequences of delivering messages in such a manner are more devastating than one might think. Students feel patronized and therefore become jaded to religion and to their teachers as well. Also, these young men and women are unconsciously being taught that Judaism lacks reason for the rituals and that superficial explanation should suffice to motivate religious practice. Not a pleasant dynamic to have floating around your school or home.

So if you got your students to eat kosher for a week with some story about a guy who miraculously recovered from dysentery when he decided to stop eating shellfish, great for you. Not so great for your students who still have no idea about why they are keeping this halacha.

To an extent, we are better off letting the girls dress as they want, the boys talk as they want, and letting everybody eat what they want. If we create respectful and engaging atmospheres in our schools, I believe we can do so much more. Enough playing big-brother, let's discuss these matters respectfully and give them the proper treatment. Enough with the paranoia; let's get back to teaching.

Getting back to our original point, this is all about patience. No one can claim to really know what inspires one person and turns another person off. No one can claim the magic formula to mold disinterested Jewish souls into permanently committed Jews. Our ignorance of these matters must compel us to stop forcing religion down the throats of our young men and women. We can't get sidetracked by the fact that many of them are starting off way behind in the race to religious commitment. Like with teeth, we have to chalk up their current level of commitment to the learning curve which will improve, albeit not at the “ideal” rate. With the right amount of understanding, open dialogue and encouragement, we can do a lot more to bolster our future. Just give it some time.

For all those who think teaching is a joke, consider this.

2011-02-07T07:47:00.004-05:00

Imagine your job description is the following:

Every day at your company, you are responsible for conducting meetings and presentations.

For each meeting: You must prepare the agenda and the proper materials to keep the meeting on track. You will also be responsible to moderate and mediate meetings, deciding who talks, for how long, and on what subject.

For each presentation: You are responsible to present all information in a way that is clear and understandable for all involved. You must use visuals, manipulatives, and handouts for every presentation. If you do not have enough time at work to complete these presentations, they must be organized at home. Those attending the meeting will all have different levels of understanding of company practice and policy, so you must arrange your presentation so that everyone attending understands at their level and is not bored.

You must conduct a combination of 6 to 10 meetings and presentations a day for 45 minutes each.

Additionally, most meetings and presentations will not be attended by highly motivated company executives and employees. Rather, the least motivated employees in the company will be attending. But don't forget, you are still required to keep their attention and teach them something meaningful that they can use to help the company. Each employee that attends your meeting will be graded based on how well they implemented the information from your presentation or meeting, and that will reflect on you are viewed within the company as well.

One more catch: Many of those attending your meetings have unionized jobs. Therefore, they have no real motivation to contribute to these meetings constructively, as it is impossible to fire them. Additionally, they may disrupt your meetings at any given time, due to their lack of external motivation.

A little nuance here and there, and you have teaching.

Sound easy?

New Blog

2011-02-03T12:34:00.001-05:00

Right on cue from my last post, a new blog, Thinking About Chinuch has popped up. Looks promising.

Jewish Education: Does anybody really care?

2011-01-28T10:02:00.005-05:00

If this blog was qualitatively ranked among the Jewish blogs out there, it would place somewhere between minimally-impactful and nonexistent. Then if it were to be listed among the Orthodox Jewish blogs, it might rank as quasi-significant. However, if we altered this list to include only the Orthodox Jewish blogs about education, I could probably call this blog Adventures in Chuffington Post.

In case you think I am exaggerating, over at lookstein.org, there is a blogroll of Jewish education blogs. The list has a total of 50 blogs, and that includes non-Orthodox blogs and a bunch of blogs that aren't really about education per se. That leaves very few Orthodox blogs that deal with what should be one of the most crucial issues within our community.

My first instinct tells me that the lack of publishing represents a lack of a market. How many people are writing about topics that people aren't interested in reading about? Even if there is another explanation, I will choose to ignore it because this explanation works well with want I want to write about:

Tuition is, and has been, the talk of the town for years. You've heard all the questions, complaints, and suggestions, and I won't rehash them hear. It always struck me as interesting that I rarely have seen an article asking "we pay so much for schools, but are we getting our money's worth?" it just seems that our communities are not concerned with what schools are doing to educate our youth and prepare them for the future as Jews. Why the lack of interest?

This problem generally stems from simple ignorance. My assumption (I would love to find out that I am wrong) is that most of our community members barely give thought the different goals that can be established by our schools. Now, such ignorance of school practices may seem well-rationalized; most people cannot claim to be experts or near-experts in educational practice. Therefore, the claim can be made that the layperson has no business discussing and influencing matters related to education. Fund-raising, sure. Budget, sure. Special events, mishloach manos, sure and sure. But not education.

The truth however, is the opposite. Parents and community leaders should be included in the discussion as to what the schools' goals should be. What do we want our kids knowing when graduate? What skills should they have? What lessons should they have learned? What direction are they being pointed in. These questions are all answerable by a seriously-thinking person. Educational methods, maybe not so much. But definitely the goals.

Just to be straight, I am not advocating parental control over schools. I am simply stating that parents and other community members should feel comfortable (respectfully) voicing their opinions as to what their children are being taught.

Great, we have a plan! Let's encourage parents to advocate for what they believe is the best education plan for their children! Let's set up meetings between school administration and parent representative to hash out these issues! Let's create constructive dialogue which will lead to meaningful change!

Woah, not so fast. The next question to ask is "does anybody really care?" Do parents simply want to drop their kids off at school, and pick them up 12 years later? Do they view loving Israel and speaking a manageable Hebrew the only essentials, with everything else secondary and arbitrary? Unfortunately, the impression from many parents and communities is that they would answer these questions "no,yes,and yes" (this is leaving secular studies out of the discussion, of course).

Having a concerned community is essential to creating significant change in education. To avoid creating can't-name-all-the-Hebrew-months-or-read-a-passuk-by-the-time-they-graduate, and hopefully-they-will-learn-something-in-Israel stereotypes, we need parents and community members to display the sentiment that a good Jewish education is important. As long as this is not the case, our schools will lag behind because they can. Teaching methods won't change because there is no pressure to. Rebbeim who sit on their tuchuses for an ninety minutes straight will continue to teach your children.

I believe that the current climate is one ready for change. The forthcoming generation of Orthodox Jewish parents, in which I include myself, are in many ways different from our parents. We have experienced Torah-learning in quantity and quality that is unprecedented. We do not have the same concerns of Jewish identity in America that previous generations struggled with. Many of us understand how to balance serious Torah-learning with a "normal" lifestyle. If we don't demand that schools meet our criteria for a meaningful Jewish life, and if we allow inertia to be the deciding force in our children's education, we will have failed miserably.

Please leave any thoughts in the comments. And if you have no thoughts on the subject, it's time to get some.

To Educate or Inspire? (Part II)

2011-01-23T20:08:00.006-05:00

In our last (serious) post, we discussed the question of whether the priorities of Jewish educators should be to inspire their students to greater appreciation for and observance of Torah and Mitzvos or to provide them the skills they need to learn on their own. For the sake of brevity (I always wanted to say that) the first approach will be called "to inspire" and the second, "to educate."

We also established that education and inspiration are mostly exclusive concepts. Students can be "taught" and inspired at the same time, but most of that teaching would be information. To illustrate, teaching a Torah from the Kedushas Levi may inspire someone who may be feeling a bit down, and that person now may know a new explanation for three different pesukim and a Gemara, but they haven't learned anything they can apply to their future learning. On the other hand, if a student is taught that "Ta Shma" always means that the Gemara is now going to quote a statement from elsewhere to prove a point, they may not break into song, but they now have another tool for deciphering a Gemara on their own.

So, what is the answer? Don't know, but here are my thoughts:

I believe that the default is that we are educators first. We are only asking about inspiring vs. educating because there is a dire need for both. Unfortunately, most of our students enter our schools with minimal appreciation for Judaism and its practices. Had this not been the case, the question would be moot; they would already be inspired or at least inspired enough. Then, we could actually get to educating, which is exactly what schools are made for. Hence, the burden of proof is on inspiration.

I also think that our focus should always be on fulfilling our role; it's what we are set up to do. Because education is our baseline, our schools are designed for success in those areas. Tests, classes, and homework do not add up to inspiration. Neither do attendance, detention, and grades. Teachers are trained as educators, not as social workers, public speakers, or marketing experts. In such a framework, inspiration cannot be the norm. Schools require the discipline to succeed that an inspiration-focused institution would require the lack of. Ask any teacher who decided to spend the morning shmoozing or having an "ask the Rebbe" session how long it lasted before the kids lost interest, and how hard it was to get them back into education mode.

Wasting time aside, the framework of school often undermines the inspiration as well. A teacher or Rebbe may be inspiring in class, but what if a student fails his or her tests? A failing grade can cancels out a lot of the good feeling. In short, if we focus on inspiring in schools, chances are we will be losing out on both ends, and mediocrity will become the best we can hope for.

So why no start schools that are completely inspiration-based? What about starting a TANCSY or NCSYHA? The answer is simple; it wouldn't work. Kids don't respond without a structured framework involving accountability. Additionally, nobody (or group of people) can possibly muster up enough energy to inspire or be inspired for 3 hours every day. People go to lectures, concerts, or weekends to be inspired. These last hours or sometimes days, but definitely not years.

Despite all these points, there are other factors as well. Education is a viable process only within a structured environment. Inspiration, on the other hand can come from anywhere at any time. Often, the missing ingredient is simply maturity. The chances that a student who is educated to become inspired later on (or from a different venue while still in school) is exponentially greater than the chances a student who was little self-learning skills will pick these skills up later in life.

Contrary to what the last point represents, the decision to educate isn't a probability-based decision alone. Yes, we argued that educating is more efficient use of time than inspiring. Yes, we argued that inspiration has a better chance of happening outside of school than education. Add those two arguments together and the decision to educate is simple, but only as good advice for maximizing our bets. If someone wanted to get risky however, they could go the inspiration route. But there is one point that goes beyond this. The clincher is that the ability to learn and develop unique thoughts on one's own is as integral to staying inspired than any emotional inspiration.

To simply illustrate the last point, take the male post-Israel college student. (I don't have enough knowledge about the experiences of the other half of the population). From my experience it seems that the student best suited to stay on course is the one that can learn on his own and/or develop unique Torah thoughts. I have seen many friends, acquaintances, and enemies go "off the derech." Most of these people had (and obviously still have) little to no ability to learn on their own. (There are other people who I can think of for whom it would have gone differently had they not been able to learn a page of Gemara by themselves.

The reason for this is three-fold. Firstly, and most simply, when someone can learn on their own, the opportunities for involvement in religion multiplies immensely. Secondly, for a person to truly feel like a member of a club, they must feel as if they giving as much as they are taking. Therefore, someone who cannot learn well on their own, will constantly feel as if they are getting without giving and can not truly feel as a part of the growth-oriented klal (a noted exception would be anyone seriously involved in chessed). Thirdly, there exists a drive within every human being to be creative. Fulfilling this desire in some way is necessary for us to feel accomplished a people. This is not a trick of the yetzer hara.

So, within the context of Judaism, the realm in which we as Jews are supposed to find meaning, it is crucial that the average Jew feel like an accomplisher. Granted, this can mean many things. However, the most accessible way is through learning, which can be done by almost anyone if their education is properly tailored.

Bottom line: I believe that overall, the model in the Modern Orthodox world is broken. Most students lack dedication to an appreciation for Orthodox Judaism. Therefore, we as educators feel burdened with a dual responsibility, to educate and to inspire. However, I believe that if we lose sight of our primary goal of education, then we will be losing out in all areas. We must do our best to educate our students, all the while creating alliances with parents and communities to properly address our goal of creating well-rounded young men and women.

Top Ten (Eleven) Comments I Had to Omit from Report Cards

2011-01-17T23:24:00.009-05:00

...I'm doing them right now

11. Your son would have earned a better grade with more studying and less pornography watching (already used on Twitter)

10. Your son doesn't treat school seriously because neither do you

9. Lobotomy was not the best idea.

8. Student is not working to his potential (I just hate that one...so cliche).

7. Your child has inspired me to daven better....for snow days.

6. Hey mom and dad, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RKQRVn4NAs

5. I made your son's grade up because I lost his final.

4. I am constantly weighing the con of losing my job vs. the pro of punching your son in the face.

3. Unfortunately, I cannot reveal which faculty member nicknamed your child "The next Billy Madison."

2. Student has a bright future. Wait, is "failing miserably" an occupation?

1. At least there's always Kollel.

To Educate or to Inspire?

2011-01-13T14:53:00.000-05:00

Although this question may seem easily answered with the word "both," such a response would indicate a certain misconception regarding what goes on (and about what should go on) in a classroom. Let me explain:

I was given food for thought recently (not that my hiatus from blogging was the result of a hiatus from thinking) when hearing a colleague of mine lament about one of his classes: "I can inspire my guys, I can be m'karev them, but I can't teach them." What did he mean by that? Why can't he do both? Why not teach inspiring material? Why not read cool midrashim on Megillas Esther or Hassidic tales from the Holocaust, or some book by Dr. Twerski on Judaism? That way they can be inspired and taught!

In fact, inspiration and education are often as diametrically opposite as (insert witty analogy here). What many don't realize is that education does not mean to "teach information." To educate is to provide your students with the skills they need to further educate themselves. So reading inspiring stories, and learning about inspiring people, may be nice, but they in no way help a student gain the necessary tools to learn on their own.

Taking this further, the same can be said about the most common approach to teaching Tanach (this may sound familiar to many who have gone to school):

Step One: "who wants to read passuk gimmel?"

Step Two: "okay, no volunteers except annoying kid that always raises his hand? David, you read."

Step Three: "What's that David, you don't do reading? Okay Jonny read."

Step Four: "Jonny doesn't have the page. Jonny doesn't even have a chumash. Okay annoying kid, you read."

Step Five: "Who has any questions on this passuk? Nobody? Okay let's read Rashi."

Step Six: "Can anyone tell me Rashi's question?"

Step Seven: "No, none of those are even close to Rashi's question. Did anyone learn anything this year?"

Step Eight: "Here is Rashi's question with three more answers. Write them all down in the column next to the vocabulary words"

Step Nine: Wash, rinse, repeat.

Even if each student in this (not-so-far-from) fictional class remember what happens in each passuk and can tell you every one of Rashi's questions and three approaches to answer each one, they have done nothing but memorized a giant bar-mitzvah speech.

Additionally, if a teacher were to teach every single one of these pesukim with an inspiring story with a meaningful message, and their students actually remember the message and take it to heart, this teacher still would not have done their best to educate.

In my mind, the focus of education must be empower students to learn on their own. Teaching knowledge is important as well and has its place in the classroom. However, "to what extent?" is the question.

If, in fact, educating and teaching knowledge are totally different, we can understand the claim that certain students are more easily inspired than educated. It also leaves is with a tremendous challenge: What should we, as teachers, place most of our emphasis? To me, this is one of the most important questions for anyone in chinuch, interested in chinuch, or paying for their children's chinuch to answer.

Adventures in Chinuch Classics: The Superbowl

2010-02-08T07:36:00.002-05:00

As much as I would like to write another humorous post about the Superbowl, I don't really have time. So, here's a good one from last year:

As I see it, there are 6 categories of Rebbeim who respond differently when asked by their students if they watched the game:

1) The Rebbe that excitedly discusses all the details, like how Pittsburgh used great play calling to dominate on their first few drives, or how the Cardinals would have won if they didn't go into a prevent defense during the last drive.

Goal: Students view him as more of a regular person, increasing his identify-with-ability. Also helps him forget that he is no longer 17.

2) The Rebbe that discusses all the details, but makes sure to add the fact that he watched it at his parents' Super Bowl party, or a comparable excuse for being "forced" to watch. This Rebbe usually adds in some Yiddish as well ("That catch by Santonio Holmes was gevaldik!").

Goal:Trying to have something to talk to his students about, but avoiding being viewed as too much of a regular person. Also avoids any allegations of T.V.-having.

3) The Rebbe that tells his student he listened to it on the radio.

Goal: To seem cool in that retro sort of way. (See also: Rebbe who rollerblades to school)

4) The Rebbe who didn't watch it, but knows, and cares, what happened. Yet, he purposely messes up details that include his knowledge of previous years ("Did the 49ers win? Joe Montana is a great quarterback."), or turns the conversation to Super Bowls from his time.

Goal: To sound like a former cool guy who is hiding his coolness.

5) The Rebbe who didn't watch it, and knows what happened, but does not care. He pretends not to know the names of the players ("I hear Ben Rothberger is really good"). This Rebbe also mocks the game by referring to it as a bunch of sweaty men bumping into each other over a ball made of chazzer. He may or may not use the word shvartze as well. (This guy is my personal favorite)

Goal: To convince his students he is from another planet.

6) The overzealous Rebbe. Chas v' shalom should he watch the super bowl. This Rebbe goes off on a lecture about American culture, Yevanim, and bittul zman. (this reaction is also common amongst shana bet guys).

Goal: To rule the world.

Whichever rebbe, parent, or other role model you happen to be, please realize who you are talking to. Saying what you believe may not necessarily be the best way to teach, and may have the opposite effect.

Lowering Tuition?

2010-01-26T14:19:00.001-05:00

Recently, there has been a lot of talk at Honestly Frum about the tuition crisis. A major portion of the discussion has centered around the schools' exorbitant expenses and the consequential need for a low(er)-cost option. I claim no expertise on the subject, however, I think I can lend some insight on the subject coming from the eduaction angle.

A large part of the tuition hikes center around the fact that schools are constantly upgrading to a) provide the finest educational experience possible and b) to stay in competition with other schools. The question is whether all this is necessary. I think the answer is yes, it is, but it shouldn't be.

Ideally, chinuch should be a process that involves both parents and schools equally. Not only should this be a quantitative split,but each party should be chiefly responsible for a different aspect each child's chinuch. The parents should chiefly be concerned with instilling their children with Jewish values and teaching them to appreciate Talmud Torah and shmiras mitzvos. Schools, on the other hand, should primarily be concerned with educating the children. This means teaching skills and basic Jewish knowledge.

This applies equally to secular studies: Parents have to be the ones to motivate and to encourage learning. Whether or not children value education and hard work will mostly be a function of how they are brought up. The school's main function is to teach, but the prerequisites to learning must come from the home.

Obviously, I don't mean that schools have no responsibility to instill a love of learning in children and that parents have no need to educate. However,each must realize that they have a primary concern for one aspect. This avoids spreading themselves too thin, and avoids having one aspect hamper the other. If one focuses primarily on educating, instilling values must, in some way be set aside, and vise versa.

The problem is that many parents, for whatever reason, have decided to let the schools step in for them. Schools nowadays are left with double-duty. What is the major result? Schools now must create environments that are conducive to learning and instilling Jewish values. This means that we need beautiful buildings, tons of extracurricular activities, and as many administrators and assistant teachers as possible to make sure the schools watches over every student like their own child. Kids now need to feel as if school is their home because they less encouragement coming from their actaul homes.

This is what I would call a necessary evil. For whatever reasons (job pressures, the need to make more money, the constantly diminishing existence of family values), many parents transferred some of their parental responsibilities to school. The schools have reacted kind, creating a more intimate and pleasant environment for kids,and the tuitions have increased in kind. Before we consider limiting our school's expenses, we must outsource responsibilities to our communities and homes, which is actually where they belong.

Above and Beyond

2010-01-18T09:19:00.007-05:00

One of the more uncomfortable things of being a fake Rabbi is the undue kavod that comes with it. Being called "Rabbi" is one thing, as that title has really lost its meaning by now. But there are other things that are make me uncomfortable. Number one on the list is when students stand up when I get an aliyah or enter the room. This is the kind of respect that is halachikally delegated to actual talmidei chachamim and someone's Rebbe muvhak. I definitely do not fit the first category, and the second could only apply to my students, and it would be sad if I have taught them (in 1.5 years) most of the Torah they know.

So...why do we (they) teach the kids to do these things? Well, respect for Torah, of course. If I am teaching Torah, and therefore, represent Torah, shouldn't they stand for me? Or alternatively, since they have no access to people who deserve such kavod, they won't learn this practice of kavod haTorah, so we work with what we have.

Either way, what happens is that we become more machmir, above and beyond what halacha calls for, in order to teach a lesson. So my question for you (and myself) to think about is whether this is a good practice because kid: a) need to learn certain values and b) have a hard time drawing distinctions, or, should we teach based on what is required only.

Two more examples to stimulate the opinion glands:

1) Wearing tzitzis when playing ball with your students if you normally don't, to teach the importance of the mitzvah.

2) Not talking at all in shul, even when completely allowed, so that your children will learn the importance of tefillah.

Any thoughts?

.

Primacy of Gemara: R' Aharon Lichtenstein

2010-01-15T10:05:00.001-05:00

In his book Leaves of Faith, R' Aharon Lichtenstein has an article succinctly titled "Why Learn Gemara?" In it, he discusses his philosophy as to why the study on Gemara has taken on such a primary role in yeshiva learning. I would like to summarize his points and investigate how applicable they are within our school system.

1) The relationship between the Jewish people and G-d hinges on the understanding and acceptance the Oral Torah. The essence of Oral Torah is Halacha.

Quotes:
"On Hazal's view, this relation to Halakhah lies at the heart of our covenental existence."
"Whereas the written text is an amalgam of the literary and the legislative...Torah she-ba'al-peh...is overwhelmingly halakhic."

How Applicable?
Presented as a universal Jewish precept, presumably applicable to all.

2) The in depth study of Halacha is an encounter with the D'var Hashem, and a window into divine wisdom.

Quotes: "Every student of Halakha is exposed, once again, to his Master's commanding presence. Each page is a regenerative Antaean (huh?) return to Sinaitic roots."

How Applicable?

Again, this is presented universally.

Here's the Catch:

3) There must be an acceptance of and openness to this idea, in order for it to be effective.

Quotes: "There should be a measure of faith in oneself - in personal readiness and openness to let the power of divine will instill, directly or osmotically, both knowledge and love."

How Applicable? Survey says: ehhhh! How many of our students truly appreciate the concept of having a window into the divine will? Not many. This is not exactly a simple concept to grasp or appreciate. We starting off on the wrong foot if there is a prerequisite appreciation required to learn Gemara properly. For many students, due to how they were brought up/their personalities/ their intellectual level, this is almost impossible. So what is the solution?

RAL mentions two solutions to this problem:

1. The learning of Gemara itself can create this type of inspiration.

RAL does admit that this is cyclical; how can you get them to appreciate it enough to learn it properly in the first place. This is not so problematic, as there are many kids who enjoy the analytical and intellectual challenge that comes with Gemara. However, this is not the case for most.

2. Teaching topics that lead to appreciation of G-d and his will.

Even R' Chaim Volozhin writes in Nefesh HaChaim that yiras shamayim is a prerequisite for learning Gemara properly, and that learning about G-d is important to prepare oneself for a life of learning. So, what about learning about G-d? Do we ever actually teach about G-d? Not really (fluffy stuff doesn't count). And even if we do teach this stuff, for many students, due to how they were brought up/their personalities/ their intellectual level, they won't/can't really grasp it in the necessary way.

This is all in addition to the fact that there are many student who just aren't smart enough.

I'm not saying everyone shouldn't be exposed to Gemara, or be given a chance to be a Gemara learner. I'm just saying that at a certain point, we must concede that (to quote R' Lichtenstein:) "in some cases, (for those) sufficiently exposed to Gemara to resent it but not given the wherewithal to appreciate it, a Mishna-oriented curriculum would be preferable." Maybe Mishna, maybe Chumash, maybe Safrus, maybe Chesed. I think we need to reevaluate what we teach in order to give our student what they need, not what we want them to need.

If you are in chinuch, you should really see the movie...

2010-01-14T21:01:00.003-05:00

Doubt.

Talmud Torah K'neged Kulam

2010-01-08T10:18:00.004-05:00

Just to start the discussion:

Rambam (Hil. Tal. Tor. 3:3) explain this statement as meaning Torah is more important than all other mitzvos b/c it leads to action (meivi li'dei ma'aseh). I assume this fits in with the simple reading of the Mishna as follows:

All these mitzvos [and others that are added in Maseches Shabbos (127a)] have benefits in terms of inter-personal relationships. By following these mitzvos, you are improving your life in this world. Talmud Torah is more significant in that area, because it can lead to countless other good deeds and mitzvos, and therefore improves your life more than any other mitzvah.

Debunking Volozhin (again)?

2010-01-07T15:29:00.005-05:00

I kind of feel uncomfortable with this title, as if I have any right to disprove the philosophy that fueled one of the most successful yeshivas in our history. But I (mistakenly) used it once, so I'll use it again. Plus, it sounds controversial.

If you ask many yeshiva high school graduates what the most important mitzvah is, chances are, they will tell you Talmud Torah is. If you ask for proof, they could probably recite the phrase by heart: v'talmud torah k'neged kulam: and learning Torah is as valuable as them all. Sounds like a good proof, right?

Problem is, this phrase is at the end of a very specific list: The mishna begins, Elu devarim she'ein lahem shiur, these are the things that have no bound, and then lists a bunch of mitzvahs that fulfill the criterion of being boundless. Talmud Torah is one of these. The mishna continues: eilu devarim she'adam ocheil peirosei'hem baolam hazeh, these are the things that have benefit in this world, v'hakeren kayemes laolam haba, but the essential action lasts forever. Then it lists a few things of which Talmud Torah is not included, and then says the famous line: v'talmud torah k'neged kulam.

So, you could interpret this as saying Talmud Torah is the mitzvah that has the most reward in this world although you get benefit in the next, or even that Talmud Torah is greater than or equal to all the previously mentioned mitzvos. But a simple reading of the mishna says nothing of Talmud Torah being at the top of Rolling Stone's top 500 Mitzvos list.

Just some more food for thought. (Some mekoros on this, Moshe Tzvi?)

Debunking Volozhin?

2010-01-06T19:20:00.004-05:00

Many students, no matter how little they care, can tell you that if nobody learned Torah the world would cease to exist. This is based on the teachings of R' Chaim Volozhin (I'm sorry if that isn't the scholarly spelling) among others.

Actually, there is Tosfos that seems to disagree. The Gemara at the beginning of Avodah Zara (3b I think) discusses proofs that the Jews have kept the Torah. Tosafos asks, isn't the greatest proof that the world still exists? One answer given is that the Jews accepting is enough to keep the world going. But, of course, we go with R' Chaim's opinion. Are we trying too hard to turn our schools into weird versions of Volozhin?

Just some food for thought.

Active vs. Reactive Leadership

2009-12-30T07:43:00.010-05:00

Although the recent events at YU have triggered much thought both for myself on for many others, I will not post my thoughts on the event itself for two reasons: 1) I haven't come to any conclusion about what I think; I am very torn on the issue. 2) It's been written about by so many so I don't want to overdo it. So, I want to suggest some analysis on a topic a bit peripheral to, but intertwined with, the entire debate.

In the most recent post at Curious Jew, Chana lauds the leadership and courage on both sides of the debate. R' Blau, for being brave enough to stand up and show support for those in need, albeit knowing he would be risking his reputation, and Rabbis Twersky and Reiss for having true bravery to stand up and defend the honor of their G-d, Torah and religion. I'm not sure if Chana is being diplomatic, but I think it's a bit of a chutzpah to compare the courage of the both parties.

Right and wrong notwithstanding, I believe that the leadership shown by R' Blau goes far and beyond that shown by the other two Rebbeim. This is not to take away from R' Twersky and R' Reiss; they did all they could given that they were working after the fact. However, R' Blau showed true leadership by actively embracing a cause as opposed to reacting to a situation that was thrown in his face.

I think this distinction is crucial to understanding where our community is headed. You want to understand a people, see who the superstars are. There is no question that within the Torah-Conscious Modern Orthodox community, the superstars are the Roshei Yeshiva. Just go to a chupa and see how many people stand when they call up a Rosh Yeshiva. Then see how many stand when the call up the Young Israel Rabbi. I actually think some people sink lower in their seats when the Rabbi is called upon. Clearly, in my eyes, much of our community identifies more with the Roshei Yeshiva as role models. What is the significance?

As I wrote in an earlier post (which was apparently quoted by R' Reiss in a sichos mussar this year, but I have been unsuccessful in finding the audio), the YP program at YU is completely Torah-Centric. So you will ask, why should that be a problem? It's a Yeshiva! Shouldn't it all be about Torah? My response is three-fold: 1) We are dealing with students who have are part of a college as well. So clearly, the students are not exactly your future Kollel members/ Roshei Yeshiva (though some are). Therefore, they need guidance from role models that take other things than Talmud Torah into account. 2) Many of the talmidim are future pulpit Rabbis and Rebbeim, and therefore, need to be able to inspire and guide others in various ways. 3) We need future community leaders (Rabbonim and lay-leaders) who are interested in, and know how to actively promote and fight for causes within our communities. We need people who can do more than give a weekly Minchas Chinuch shiur (not that it's not important as well).

As long as we limit our role models to Talmidei Chachamim, we will be slowly killing off a huge part of what we need as a community. I admit ignorance of what many Roshei Yeshiva do to help guide their talmidim and congregations. I am sure they do so much behind the scenes that doesn't make the papers. But we also need public activism. We can't afford to wait for things to happen and then react.

Another outgrowth of this problem is that we don't have role models that are completely appropriate for many of our communities. As much respect as I have for a Rosh Yeshiva that uses Talmud Torah as his barometer, I believe in a more balanced approach for the hamon am. I do not believe that most people are able to find complete meaning in learning Torah, nor do I believe that we were all meant to. There are many other ways of living a meaningful Jewish life, meaningful both in our eyes and the eyes of the Creator. But if we don't have role models that personify our ideals, then we are in trouble. If our schools have Yeshivish Rebbeim (pardon the categorization) who are only trying to turn our students into Yeshiva Bochurs, then we have no future.

If we want our community to grow and flourish, we need to become and develop leaders who are interested in action. This will only happen if we find role models that preach activity as well as learning. But as long as we only have learners as role models, our capacity for growth will be severely limited.

You can't make this stuff up (Part II)

2009-12-24T22:42:00.004-05:00

We went on a trip this past week to the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens. Although a museum trip sounds boring, we made sure to tell the kids that they have a small arcade there as well (obviously containing vintage games, as it is a museum). The day before the trip, the an administrator (Rabbi F.) came around to each class collecting permission slips. Here's is an actual conversation that went on between him and one of my students, Kevin (not real name).

Rabbi F: Okay, so we are leaving tomorrow at 9:30, please be on time.

Kevin (defiantly): Rabbi F, Just so you know, if they have the Playboy game there I'm gonna play it.

Rabbi F (confused): Huh?

Kevin: Yeah, I heard Playboy came out with an arcade game, and I'm gonna play it if I want to.

Rabbi F: Okay, Kevin.

Rabbi F leaves

Me: Kevin, what planet are you on?

Kevin: What?

Me: Do you really think there is a Playboy video game at a museum?

Kevin: Whatever.

Sometimes I think someone's playing a huge joke on me.

Representing Torah (Part I)

2009-12-22T09:03:00.005-05:00

I have been struggling to come up with a proper answer for this question:

To what degree is it important that a Rabbi/Rebbe/Morah/"Ben Torah"/"Bas Torah" change their outward appearance (dress and how they act) because they represent Torah?

I'll give you a similar example of this question: I was talking to someone who said he thought the greatness of a pulpit Rabbi is to what degree his congregation identifies with him. Meaning: if he's just "one of they guys," but with a little more knowledge, that it good. However, if the perception is that he is a different type of person, no good.

So I asked him, what about Barack Obama? Are you happy to see him throwing out the first pitch in a pair of jeans, or should he be wearing a suit like every other president in history? He responded that he approved of Obama's actions (although that was about it for his approval).

On the other hand, I was speaking to someone else who could not get over the fact that Obama wore jeans to throw out the first pitch. He felt it was "unpresidential" and that it made Obama "look like a joke." Now, I can appreciate both sides of the argument and couldn't really come to my own conclusion.

This is the question I am troubled by: Am I, or any religious figure, or even a yeshiva bochur required to act differently because we represent Torah? Do I have to curb my sense of humor? Do I have to dress differently if kids will see me on the weekend?

My gut reaction to this question is, in a perfect world, no, but in this world, yes. Although, in all honesty, a person can be a role model if they dress like everyone else and goof around like everyone else. However, human nature is to need role models that are seem different. There may be adults and kids who don't need that, but most people do.

If anyone has any insight on how to answer this question, please share. I will include the comments/ideas in the next post.

Israel "Guidance"

2009-12-16T06:30:00.005-05:00

It's that time of year. When students go to shiurim they can't understand from Roshei Yeshiva of places they have no intention of applying to just to get out of class, when young men and women are allowed to make life decisions based on a pamphlet, and of course when Rebbeim and Morot try as hard as they can to convince, prod, and influence students to commit to going to Israel and avoid being lost forever r"l. I have some thoughts on this process that I hope will get some people upset (a blog without controversy is pretty boring).

The phrase "Israel Guidance" is a misnomer. I think the phrase should be changed to "Israel Coercion." This name would properly describe the process by which students are urged to spend a year in Yeshiva or Seminary. However, I can't really imagine that being such a great PR move:

Welcome prospective parents to our open house. I would like you to meet Rabbi Finkel, head of Israel Coercion. He will do whatever he can to convince your kids to spend a year in Israel, whether they want to or not, whether you want them to or not, and whether you can afford it or not. He does so because he wants to make sure they reject the way they were brought up. Any questions?

Am I being overly dramatic? Let's think about it:

I can confidently say that many (most?) of our students are living with less-than-ideal Orthodox Jewish values. The problems range from Kashrus and Shabbos to focusing their social lives on drinking, fooling around, and emotionally ruining the social lives of other kids, to being obsessed with pop culture and video games. Many (most?) kids are lazy and spoiled and could care less about living a meaningful Jewish life (Not to say that I wasn't part of this demographic in high-school).

If we make this assumption, it should be part of our responsibility to address these issues as much as possible: to show beauty in living a religious life, to show how being religious and having a good time or being normal are not mutually exclusive, to teach objective, easily appreciated Jewish values etc.. etc... This responsibility is clear from the requirements of Kol Yisrael areivim ze ba zeh, and Hochai'ach tochi'ach es amisecha. This responsibility is compounded for educators who are in a position to make a difference, as opposed to a stranger on the street, who a teenager has no reason to listen to.

So, shouldn't it be our responsibility to make sure these kids get to Israel where, chances are, they will in some way have their sense of Judaism enhanced and where there is a possibility they will adopt a way of life with religion at or near the forefront?

Here's where I draw the line:

I think it's pretty accepted that the ends of Kiruv do not justify any means, For example, if you initially get someone to start doing mitzvos by threatening their life, and they eventually start following the Torah without coercion, you are not a hero. Anyone disagree? Good. Here's the next step: I think that taking away someone's free will also qualifies as illegitimate means.

As we discussed in one of our first posts, a free-will decision only qualifies as such if a person uses morality as the deciding factor. So, if someone chooses vanilla over chocolate because they like it better, that is not exercising free will, but if they choose vanilla because it's healthier even though they'd prefer chocolate, that is using free will. Let's apply this to our situation:

Here are ways you can get kids to go to Israel even if they don't want to:

1) Tell them all the stories about you being drunk, so it sounds like fun.
2) Tell them they will not be religious at all in a few years if they don't go.
3) Tell them how nice it will be to be away from their parents for a year.
4) Tell them that they will lose their friends if they don't go.
5) Act as if it is a foregone conclusion that they are going, until they believe it themselves.
6) Imply how disappointed you will be if they don't go.
7) Show them how beautiful the Yeshiva facilities are (only applicable to Reishit).
8) Tell them they will get college credit for doing nothing all year.
9) Talk to them about the glory of the flag football league (only applicable to guys)
10) Tell them about all the great food in Israel (only applicable to girls)

To convince a student to go to Israel based on these factors would be to take away the student's ability to make a free-will decision. If all of a sudden they are choosing to go because they think it's all fun there, or because they are excited about the food, that is no longer a moral decision. Now, they have the right to make a decision like that if they want; nobody is saying that all decisions must be moral ones. However, I think that is up to them whether superficial factors are enough to make a decision.

Every student should be given the all facts in an objective way and be allowed to make their own decision (hopefully with their parents' input as well. This means helping them go through all the pros and cons of spending a year in Israel.

This doesn't mean that a guide shouldn't respectfully state their argument for spiritual growth; they should try to persuasively convey this value as much as possible. They should also try convince them that spiritual growth should carry more weight than other factors. However, it is important to realize that spiritual growth in Israel doesn't happen in a vacuum, and that there may be other reasons their student doesn't want to go and maybe shouldn't (gasp!) go.

To be fair, I would agree that most of Israel guidance is choosing the yeshiva or seminary that is the best fit for a students already planning on going. But how often are certain options omitted because the "guide" doesn't approve of their hashkafos, or feels that the kids won't get as frum there?

Just to be honest, I am a bit uncomfortable writing this. I'm not sure if it's because it just goes against everything that I have heard or learned from Rebbeim, or because I don't actually agree with what I am saying but can't figure out why. I could use some guidance.

Camp Counselors = Mechanchim?

2009-12-08T20:52:00.006-05:00

This summer, I will begin a stint as the boys head counselor at Ruach Day Camp in Uniondale, NY. It is a standard NY-area co-ed day camp, which, from what I hear, has a very good reputation (that I hope not to ruin). We are currently looking for 6-8 college-aged young men and 6-8 college-aged young women to serve as counselors for kids ages 8-13. We are particularly looking for energetic people who will enhance the atmosphere (both in general and religiously). We pay pretty well, so if you, or someone your know, or your kids, or even your enemy is looking for a job, you can email me at ruachday@hotmail.com for more information.

On that note, it's worth pointing out to anyone interested in teaching, that being a camp counselor is a very good experience. A major part of chinuch is being able to balance a friendly relationship with a sense of discipline which is exactly what a (responsible) camp counselor must do. It's not easy to get kids to respond to you while at the same time getting them to like you. So if you are good at being a counselor, you have a step in the right direction being a mechanech.

The Importance of Dance Parties

2009-12-02T18:40:00.010-05:00

When I came home on Wednesday, my kids were really, really cranky. This was after having a really bad day teaching; not a good combination. Additionally, my wife had to go out so I had to do bath-time and get-ready-for-bed time on my own. This is normally pretty doable, but not with the current level of parental and child crankiness. So, I whipped out the secret weapon: the dance party. The dance party almost always a cure for crankiness, for as long as you can keep it up.

Why am I writing about this? Well, I think it is a good practice for parents to have dance parties (or something similar) every once in a while. Besides a great way for kids and parents to have some silly fun together (very important), it teaches kids to be comfortable expressing themselves in a somewhat unrestrained manner. This type of comfort can go a long way in life (if channeled properly). Plus it is good advice for anyone who needs a way to combat a bout of crankiness. The only downside is that you may be exposing your children to the devil.

This brings me to a great moment in my shiur's history (aka a moment I could get fired for):

There is one kid in shiur who always sings You Give Love a Bad Name, but has a bad voice, and only knows about 11 words of the songs. And it drives everyone nuts. So, I said: "Brian (not real name), if I print out the lyrics and get the song up on my computer will you sing and dance for us?" He said: "sure." So, in the blink of an eye, I had the lyrics and song ready to go. It was amazing; the off-key singing, the awkward dance moves, the pure high-school male idiocy.

Here's the thing: although he normally (unintentionally) drives people nuts, and this could have easily been a "laugh at him, not with him" moment (risky for me to allow it), it didn't work out that way. No matter how stupid this kid looked, the other students really appreciated the fact that he was not scared to make a fool of himself. This is an important quality to have and can really be respected. So, I guess the lesson is, have dance parties, but realize that your kids will learn their dance moves from you.

Here is the official D family dance party playlist:

Upside Down - Jack Johnson
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson
I Only Wanna be with you - Hootie and the Blowfish
Piece of my Heart- Janis Joplin
Get off my Cloud - Rolling Stones

Religulous Part II: Short Questions, Long Answers

2009-12-02T06:38:00.011-05:00

One thing I mentioned about this documentary was that it makes religious people look stupid because they can't explain the "whys" of what they do. However, this is a bit unfair because in this case the questions are simple to understand and can be presented in 10 seconds or less. Perhaps many of the people had answers, they just needed a minute to think. This is always a challenge when dealing with people that have questions. As commenter LazerA astutely points out:

The difficulty lies in providing an off-the-cuff, sound-bite answer, that will make sense to someone with no Torah background, and won't be open to distortion by by an ideological opponent.

So True.

In the film. Bill Maher never really takes the time to respectfully consider what is being said. Rather, he responds with sharp sarcastic comments that bring the "conversation" down to a trade-off of insults in which Maher, the professional comedian, is the heavy favorite. I guess that's what happens when you use the same director as Borat.

I have one particular student who loves asking the difficult questions in shiur. I could look at this as a time-wasting ploy, but I have to give him credit; he will ask me questions outside of shiur as well. When he asks questions in shiur, I try to answer his question within the span of the next ten minutes or so, despite the time-wasting factor. However, I always begin by saying something like "Dovid, before I answer you, you have to promise to listen to my entire answer and then respond to what I say. If you just keep saying 'this is so stupid' over and over, I will not have this discussion." This forces Dovid into a situation where he really has to listen so that he doesn't look like a fraud. Sometimes I'll just say "Dovid, stop being an idiot," but you'll have to trust me that I can say that to him.

The point is that the question is almost always better (easier to understand) than the answer. Therefore, we should always make sure to allot the appropriate amount of time to give a proper answer. Giving an off-the-cuff response, no matter how right it may be, isn't always the smartest move. It validates the without-thinking approach that is often the origins of the question, and gives the asker an "excuse" not to listen. So don't be afraid to answer, just answer carefully.

Religulous: Part I

2009-11-24T19:46:00.012-05:00

Recently, I had a day where only 3 students were coming in. So, one of the guys asked if he could bring in the Bill Maher documentary Religulous, and I let him (risky move). Just for the record, we learned for at least a half hour before watching it. For all those who have not heard of this documentary, the title speaks for itself. Basically, Maher goes on a crusade to "prove" the concept of religion to be false. There are many discussions to be had based on this film. However, I first would like to discuss the merits of the film.

Although the purpose of the film may have been to discredit religion, the most prominent feature of the movie is its portrayal of religious adherents. From suicide bombers to rioting Chassidim, religious people don't really get the best PR. Most of us would say that if you would just talk to an ordinary religious person, you would get a different impression of religion. Well, yes and no.

Throughout the fill, Maher interviews a number of Christians Muslims and Jews. Many of them are wacky and involved in wacky things, but all the focus isn't on the wackiness (although one of the major criticisms of the film is using nutcases to represent religion). Bill Maher asks a lot of basic religious questions that are met with more blank stares and irrational answers than anything else: If G-d is good, how could there have been a Holocaust? Does G-d really care if we plow on the Sabbath to the point of it being a capital crime? Isn't it convenient that a prophet spoke to G-d in private, so that nobody can disprove him? Why is the story of Jonah and the Whale believable and Peter Pan is not? If G-d is merciful, why does the Bible call G-d "jealous" and "vengeful?" These are just some of the issue that I can recall off the top pf my head.

Do you have good answers for these questions? What about for other questions of faith? If you don't (myself included) then you should be asking yourself why? Why haven't you thought about these questions more? Why haven't you asked or learned about them more?

Well, the first reason we don't know is because we were never taught. And there are many reasons why many of us were never taught this stuff: We feel that our communities are strong enough to avoid questions of faith, or we believe that to acknowledge these questions is dangerous, or we spend too much time teaching "more important" subjects.

The bottom line is, that we need to have these discussions with our children, our students, and ourselves as soon as possible. We should try to understand, to whatever degree we can, not only what we do and believe in, but why we do and believe in certain things. If Jewish education is meant to prepare our students to perpetuate Jewish knowledge and practice, then this should be a top priority.

This film brought to my consciousness the importance of becoming knowledgeable in all areas of Judaism. We, and our students, should strive to be able to answer questions with more than "uhhhh...."

Disclaimer: This movie does have some inappropriate language and themes and one scene of nudity. One of my students (who has seen it many times) told me when the scene was coming and we skipped it. If you have problems with me showing the movie for these reasons, please read this post, this post, and this post before dropping critical comments.

You Make the Call: What I Did

2009-11-24T09:05:00.004-05:00

If you don't know what this is talking about, just read the last post

Bottom line is that this kid really needs a wake-up call. He has not studied all year, and has been a chronic in-class sleeper (going to sleep at 1 am every night doesn't help). So when he arrived at school after davening again (a week straight) and he was wearing multiple dress-code violations (something I normally don't care about unless they are indicative of a horrible attitude) I felt the need to send him to the office. I was not there for the conversation, but whatever was said seemingly made no impression on him based on his reaction towards me.

Therefore, I was all set to walk right back the office and say "Rabbi, so-and-so called me a fag. He clearly is not getting our message, maybe we need to send it a little more clearly (or some classic teacher monologue like that). However, our subject chased me out of the room begging for another chance. Based on his reaction, I think either a) he definitely got the message now, or b) he got it then, but he took it so badly that he reacted the way he did. So, I did what any decent human being would do, I blackmailed him. I gave him the old "I'll let it slide if you behave for the rest of the week" ultimatum and we were on our way. He was excellent the rest of the week, and learned more than he had all year, so that was good.

The real question here is whether I did the right thing in the first place. It's hard to tell in which situations it will be successful to push a kid to the limit and in which cases it's better to ease up. I actually think in this case, I initially did the wrong thing and was only saved by the kid chasing me down and pleading with me. Sometimes it's for the best to overlook things and move in a more positive direction. To quote commenter JB:

(T)he conversation should start with building the relationship on positivity before focusing on "I'm your Rabbi and this will not stand." There is a lot to be said for laughter. Once you're buddies, he will feel foolish for saying what he did and won't say it again. It's about what the student needs, not the Rebbe's ego.

I think that this assessment is correct in many situations, but sometimes a kid does need a swift kick in the behind to let him know what's up. But even when butt-kicking, it's important to do it with love, if possible.

You make the call

2009-11-20T12:44:00.002-05:00

The other day I sent a student to the principle for being late and for not wearing the dress code (normally I don't care so much about dress code violations, but this kid needs to be smacked around a bit). He came back really upset (he shakes when he gets mad) and when I approached him, asked me why I had to be "such a fag."

What would you do?

Dirty Comments

2009-11-17T07:53:00.007-05:00

The Rebbe's ultimate catch-22: A student makes a very inappropriate comment. Not a straightforward dirty comment, but one of those innuendo types (I am resisting making Adam Sandler references). All the students get a good laugh, you can't, and it's usually pretty obvious just from the reaction that a dirty comment was made.

However, now you are a stuck. If you let it go, you start a really bad trend. The students now think they can say anything as long as they couch it in non-sexual terms. Besides being completely antithetical to a Torah-learning atmosphere, this creates a perceived lack-of-control on the teacher's part, which is the worst dynamic a classroom can have.

On the other hand, if you call the kid out on it, one of two things will happen:

1) You don't admit to understanding the comment, but attempt to enforce discipline based on reaction alone. If this happens, the student will deny saying anything inappropriate and you will get into one of these stupid "yes- you-did," "no-I-didn't; I said truck" power struggles which are never beneficial.

2) You admit to understanding the comment (you don't have to explain it). If this happens, you are automatically pegged as Rebbe-with-a-dirty-mind, a stigma that will stick with you for a while. This is obviously not a good thing, unless you can convince the school that having a dirty mind is part of Torah u' Madda and then maybe they will promote you.

Here's what I do: The first time it happens I make the following announcement: I want you guys to know that I have been alive a little longer than you have. I was also once in high school. I have heard all the inappropriate comments (Excuse for understanding the innuendos) and I know one when I hear one. (Control problem solved). If I even think you are making an inappropriate comment, I will mark you down (yes, they care when I mark them down). Don't argue with me and say (mocking voice) 'but Rabbi, I said duck!' I don't care. If I think you said it, you said it, so watch what you say (power-struggle problem solved)."

I also think that a major key here is communication. As long as things are left unsaid, students have free reign to interpret and distort and mock as they see fit. So if I never say anything, they can start with the "Rabbi you have a dirty mind" comments which can really be damaging to the atmosphere even if everybody knows that it isn't true. But if I am completely honest, they will almost always ease up b/c a) they respect honesty and b) there are no vague facts to be distorted as used as weapons; it's all out there.

You think I'm doing the right thing? Please keep the comments clean.

You can't make this stuff up

2009-11-16T12:45:00.004-05:00

Today I gave a Chumash test. Obviously, I had the students sit apart from each other so they don't cheat. One of my students walked in 10 minutes late and went to sit at his desk. However, his desk was way too close to another student. I said, "Oriel, please don't sit there," thinking it is obvious why I am asking him to move. He responded, without an ounce of intended humor or sarcasm, "Why? Did somebody fart?"

Don't Call it a Comeback

2009-11-13T13:20:00.002-05:00

...I've been here for years. Or at least a few months.

Sorry for all those who have been expected a little more blogging from me this year. Life has been kinda hectic lately, and I have had zero time to blog. I will hopefully have some more free time in the next few months, so I'll see what I can do.

Night Seder, Night Seder (you don't have to do it)

2009-10-20T19:13:00.001-04:00

One of the staples of being in Yeshiva is learning night seder. In Israel, anyone who is really serious about learning, spends at least 2 hours every night in the beis. And the super-serious/motivated guys are there until at least 12 midnight. Of course, there can also be one or two guys who stay up until 3 am and a few 2-4-2 guys, most of whom give up learning by the time they are a year out of yeshiva.

This, for the most part, makes sense. If you decide to spend a year or two engrossed in learning, you should take every opportunity to gain knowledge and learning experience (besides taking some time for your mental health.) Additionally, for those in college, if they have free time at night and they aren't into partying, why not spend more time learning?

However, marriage is a different story. I assume that for most people reading this, marriage is more than a way to have children that comes with free babysitting. Marriage is about building a relationship which includes sharing experiences and responsibilities. As important as Talmud Torah is, I can't imagine that most wives are emotionally satisfied by a relationship chiefly built on supporting Torah. I do not deny there are women who are happy with such a relationship, more power to them, but I think that these women are more the exception than the rule.

But what happens to all those seminary girls who dream of supporting their husband and raising a family? Reality kicks in. Wistfully imagining a life of making dinner while saying tehillim, changing diapers while not saying tehillim, and proudly waiting for your husband to come home from the beis medrash is much easier than practicing it. The truth is, I shouldn't limit this to the kollel sector, the same applies to wives with husbands that work until 6 and then go out to learn for two hours a night; either way it's a difficult routine. At least working husbands have off on Sunday.

So how do we solve this problem? How do we get husbands/ fathers more free time to spend with their kids/wives. How can we get these moms/wives a break and more attention from their husbands? Not every woman wants to start talking about her day at 10 pm. I think the answer is simple: Tell the men to stop learning at night.

Relax, people. I don't mean that working men should have a learning seder and that kollel members shouldn't learn outside of their required sedarim. The solution is simple: Learn in the morning! A person who truly cares about learning but understands the sacrifices that go into raising a family should be willing to suck it up and wake up at 5 am to go learn. This way, time with the wife and kids isn't sacrificed and everyone is happy.

I think it should an obligation for every yeshiva rebbe out there to push their married student to set up their learning this way. It would show true sensitivity and wisdom, the two most important ingredients in giving advice. Obviously, I'm not saying this is for everyone, but I think it would be a good idea for many or most .

Gotta go, I have dishes to wash.

Why did we have vacation again?

2009-10-12T10:41:00.005-04:00

Over yom tov, I was talking to a parent whose children are currently in school and he asked me the following: Why is it that most schools have no school over Chol Hamoed Succos? Even if you will claim that the reason is a halachik problem with writing on Chol HaMoed, it should still be a great opportunity for students to bond with their teachers and rebbeim through informal educational activities.

I had no answer because I think he is correct. The only issue is that many families go away for Succos. So, too bad. Either don't go away, or go away and your kids will miss school. And if you are concerned that it is waste of school days, so add three days to the calendar; make it 183 instead of 180.

I wonder how many teachers would accept such a proposition. In my few years teaching, I have come across way too many teachers who look for any way to get out of teaching and treat their jobs as burden as opposed to a calling. This is not to say that I am not guilty of this myself at times. I am usually happy when it snows or when an assembly pops up out of nowhere.

However, this topic does bring up the issue of how dedicated our teachers are to educating our kids, as opposed to teaching as a way to supplement their pulpit salary, monthly stipend from their in-laws, or pension from the department of education. This is a touchy question, and one whose answer might disappoint many people.

Mussar from Music Part I: Build a Little Succah in your Soul

2009-09-30T08:05:00.036-04:00

I started this new "segment" of shiur called Mussar from Music. My point is to find messages in popular (and not so popular) songs that are in sync with Jewish values and to use the song as a starting point for the discussion. Sometimes the connection is real, and sometimes a line in the song may remind me of something. I like this idea because it shows how Jewish values can be universal, because kids will listen more if it's the source is not "some sefer" or "some rabbi," and because it just gets them focused. I'll tell you how it goes each week. Here is installment
number 1:

I'm not sure how many people are familiar with the band They Might Be Giants, but if you are, you may know the song Birdhouse in your Soul. The song itself is a quirky ode to a nightlight which may or may not have deeper connotations. Either way, the chorus goes as follows:

Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
Who watches over you
Make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it
Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
Make a little birdhouse in your soul

Here's the lesson:

Besides the proximity in time, there is a thematic connection between Yom Kippur and Succos. The Alshich and Gr"a both explain that the Succah is representative of the Mishkan, as well as the Succos/Ananei Hakavod. In fact the the Ananei Hakavod were also used as a sign that
G-d accepted the Mishkan by placing his cloud over it. The connection to Yom Kippur is that the Mishkan was what the Jews built to finalize their forgiveness from G-d (which was granted on the tenth of Tishrei). This "house for G-d" reestablished the Jews-Lord relationship.

Very nice. But what is the concept of a "house for G-d?"

My first reaction is that a house is confining. It seems as if we are restricting G-d to one place or saying that his presence can only be felt in a limited way. The truth is that I think this is what we are trying to do. I'll explain.

In general, we can categorize our requirement to follow in G-d's ways (no, I will not try to sound smart and use the Latin phrase) in two ways:

1. Constantly (or as constantly as possible) having in mind that G-d is watching us and with us, and therefore trying to direct our actions to be as "spiritual" as possible. In this case, there is a constant need to be focused on G-d, and relationship is defined in terms of how consistently we are cognizant of G-d.

2. Realizing the our actions should be driven by what is right and good and realizing that the requirement do right and good is a function of G-d's will in this world. Then, going out and doing the right thing. In this case, constant awareness is not required, and relationship is defined in terms of what our overall focus is.

I do believe that everyone should incorporate bit of the first way of doing things and that there are people who belong in the first category. However, I believe the lesson of Mishkan is that we aren't required to have a constant reminder of G-d being with us. We just need a place (whether physically or mentally) that we can go and be reminded of our goals whenever we need.

I think that this idea can be proven from the Gemara in Shabbos. The Gemara discusses the passuk zeh keili v'anveihu, which is generally translated, "this is my G-d and I will glorify him." However, the literal translation is "this is my G-d, and I will make him a place" (from the word n'vei). And how does the Gemara suggest we "make G-d a place?" The Gemara continues: Just as He is merciful, you should be merciful etc...

At first glance this may be shocking. We make a place for G-d in our lives by being nice? Why not by constantly saying tehillim or by eating only bread and water? But that's exactly the point. We realize what is good from what G-d does, and we go out and do it. We make G-d our starting point, the basis for everything, but not the subject of our every thought and action (man this is starting to sound like k'fira).

The Mishkan teaches us that to properly incorporate teshuva into our lives, we just need to create a little birdhouse in our soul for G-d. A simple source of inspiration to tap into from time to time. Not every day must be Yom Kippur, and not moment must be like Ne'ila. We can show that G-d is constantly with us by being compassionate, understanding, and by trying to make a difference. Again, we do need a more direct and intense experience from time to time (we actually should be getting such an experience when davening daily) to keep us inspired, but our actions, not our thoughts, should do the talking.

A great move

2009-09-23T14:21:00.002-04:00

I figured this one out yesterday:

If you are having problems with kids acting up during Shmoneh Esrei, keep the air conditioning at full blast right up until Shmoneh Esrei begins. Then, as it begins, turn the A/C off. The room will seem so eerily quiet, that the students will feel strange making noise. It actually works.

Slichos for Non-Majors Part II: An Opportunity for Communication

2009-09-22T07:31:00.000-04:00

Recently, we discussed making things easier for our students by lowering our expectations. The point was raised (and strongly argued in the comments) that this runs the risk of creating an impression that condones taking the easy way out. By easing up on our students we may be teaching them to cut-corners in religion and to place religion lower on their list of priorities.

Although I do share this concern, I believe that one simple thing can override most of the problem: communication. There is a huge difference between saying, "we are going to skip most of slichos today," and saying "We understand that slichos is difficult and hard to appreciate. Therefore, we are going to skip a few. However, we are doing this so that in the future you will be able to say these and more, not because we believe slichos to be unimportant. Also, since we are skipping, the slichos we say will be said a bit slower. This is so that you can have time to say each one properly. Please take advantage of the extra time and the English translation to say slichos in a meaningful way."

As teachers and parents, it is important that we communicate the reasons for our directives along with the directives themselves. It helps our students and children more a part of our decison and opens the lines for honest communication. Additionally, it gives our decisions a certain amount of authenticity as opposed being done "because you hate me," or "becasue you want to make my life hard.

A recent example from class: I was trying to get my students to quiet down with the threat of giving extra homework or something like that (I can't remember). If I would have said "The next person who talks will have extra homework," I would have created a contentious environment of me vs. them. It then becomes a contest of who can test my limits and see if I will really stand behind my word, or who can disrupt the most without talking.

Instead I said something like "Listen guys, I'm trying to do my job and teach you. When you disrupt, it makes my job difficult, and makes me frustrated. So, I have no choice to to threaten you because I need to get my job done. I assume you would do the same if you were in my position. Therefore, the next person who disrupts will get extra homework. Sorry."

It may only be in my imagination, but I think when I approach the students in this way, I get much better results. This can also be applied to disciplining your children at home and making rules. If you explain your rationale, you have a much better chance of getting your children to (begrudgingly) accept the limits and consequences you place on them. Obviously, there are many situations where they just won't understand your thought process, but just the appearance of being open and honest should have a positive effect.

I had nothing to do with this (really):

2009-09-17T07:28:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, it was decided (with input of other Rebbeim) that we are going to have an abridged-slichos minyan for a certain group of students. I promise the idea was not mine, but I bet you can guess what my vote was.

Slichos for Non-Majors: Part I

2009-09-13T21:22:00.021-04:00

Last year there was a (quasi-respectful) debate among two of the Rebbeim regarding how to approach slichos at school. Adults have a hard time appreciating slichos and all the more so high school students. Davening is already long and draining enough, and by adding slichos, we are just compounding the disinterest. You can probably figure out what the two sides of the argument were, but I will explain them nonetheless.

One guy obviously wanted to abridge the slichos. Why prolong something that creates such a negative impact, when, by accommodation the students a bit, we can make the experience a positive one, or at least a less negative one. Additionally, we can slow down the recital of each one. This would give the students a little bit of time to possibly reflect on one paragraph, as opposed to rushing through the entire thing.

The other guy argued the opposite. By shortening slichos, we are basically showing the students that slichos aren't so important. They will also get the impression that if things are difficult, they should simply be compromised. Rather, we should say slichos as they are, and for the students that don't like it, too bad. They will be learning a life lesson about dealing with difficult things, and they will see that care enough to take slichos seriously.

The truth is that this debate is one that can be presented for many situations in education. Do we cater to the student, or do we do things "properly?" Are we hurting our students by making things easier, or are we properly dealing with the reality of the situation?

My personal opinion in this case is to shorten the slichos. We have to realize that living a religious life is a process, which, by definition, should be done in steps. We may not always approve of the stage that our student are at, that they are 15 and still don't understand one word of davening. However, we are bound to teach children as is best for them. In terms of academics, I think the issue is different, because it is more results-driven.

My impression is the tension between reality and expectations has created a real problem in Jewish education. I hear way too much derision regarding our students' lifestyles and upbringings, and not enough about how can we educate them properly based on where they are coming from. (This is besides the lack of sensitivity that comes with thinking you can judge what people believe.) Yeshivos have not done enough to mitigate this problem, and I think we are perpetually suffering because of it.

Why not shorten davening? Why not offer more options in the Limmudei Kodesh curriculum? Why not teach things differently? What about more chessed opportunities and hands-on activities? (I mean like teaching kids to write megillas, not finger-painting)

It is time to stop creating our own expectations and begin dealing with reality.

Surviving on Sunday

2009-09-08T10:01:00.007-04:00

For all those who are in football pools this year, my good buddy Jonathan just introduced to a great new blog that statistically addresses many of the factors that go into winning a football game. Check it out: survivingonsunday.blogspot.com

Just when you thought it was safe to be optimistic...

2009-09-06T19:33:00.003-04:00

I got the following post on my facebook wall from one of my "favorite" students:

"I'm telling you now so you can mentally prepare yourself for me. School starts on Wednesday. Shavua tov."

Let the games begin!

Dum, dadadada, dum dum da-dum: Part II

2009-09-02T16:24:00.015-04:00

In our last post (at least the last one that didn't have to be taken down because it upset a bunch of people), we began a discussion regarding proper positive reinforcement. Apparently, most readers were not exactly keen on the idea of using money to motivate students. I just want to recap a little of the discussion and inject a few comments. I'll organize it based on comments.

I think it sends the wrong message to a generation of kids that is already much too materialistic." - SuperRaizy

I think that there is a need for us to distinguish between what we need to do as educators, and what is icing on the cake. When it comes to something like math, our main goal should be to get results. Do the students understand the math? Did the students do well on their Regents? These are the questions we need to answer. Did we instill the importance of fiscal moderation? This is a secondary question which would be nice, but not necessary, to answer in the affirmative.

Obviously we would like to cover all of our bases, but I think in this case, the potential gain in knowledge outweighs the negative message. Especially because we can partially mitigate the message by simply explaining ourselves (a not-common-enough phenomenon).

"Using money as a reward for studying and good behavior negates the most basic lesson...we should strive to develop good midot... because that's what Hashem expects of us and thus that is what we should expect of ourselves." - SuperRaizy

"... it teaches them that learning is not important for its own sake, and it's like any other job." - mother in Israel

The goal in using positive reinforcement is to get a subject to engage in a behavior that is self-reinforcing, and that eventually should obviate the need for reinforcement. For instance, doing well in school is self-reinforcing because it make a child feel good about him/herself. So even if use external resources to get a child to learn, they will also receive the inherent reinforcement of self-confidence and hopefully need only that to motivate. Therefore, the use of external reinforcement is simply a first step in getting students to want to learn on their own.

I think herein lies a distinction between secular studies and Talmud Torah. For both, our goals are to both get students to learn and tune them in to beauty of learning. However, instilling a love of, or at least tolerance for, learning is more crucial for Talmud Torah for two reasons:

First of all, the necessity of lishma is inherent to Talmud Torah and using money would really undermine the process. Although we believe in the concept of m'toch shelo l'shma ba l'shma, there must be a line somewhere.

Secondly, for Talmud Torah to become a self-reinforcing activity is a bit more difficult than for secular studies. The students I have come across will almost always judge their academic success based nearly 100% on their secular studies. Plus, there is the added advantage of secular studies being a key to future success in life (college, job, etc...), that will motivate them a lot more than understanding G-d's will, or however you define the goal of Talmud Torah.

"if there was any seriousness in the suggestion, I believe you have the cart and the horse backwards: the system should be about what it costs the student if he doesn't do what is expected" - ProfK

It's very interesting that the Professor mentioned this, because my good friend Jonathan recently sent me a link to an article (that can be found here) that discusses a study that was done to see the effects of penalized people with fines. The study concluded that when a penalty is introduced, people begin to view it as a fee for dong what they want.v And actually, when a fine was introduced, the negative behavior it was targeting increased. Similarly, in our case, we wouldn't actually be teaching any lessons or even effectively controlling the class. Rather we would be setting up a system where students are provided with the ability to misbehave...for a small fee.

One could argue the same, that by rewarding good behavior or good work we are doing the same. We are telling our students that their behavior and good work is for our sake and that we are willing to pay for it, and it is in their hands to accept that deal or not. However, I think here we can distinguish between rewarding and punishing. A punishment is designed for behaviors that disrupt what a teacher is trying to do, and that is teach. Therefore, a punishment may be viewed as a teacher "desperate" for help, and is a way of bargaining with the students. However, a reward is something that encourages, and therefore is more easily seen as something which is for the students' benefit.

"it would be much better to manage to teach them the value of what they are getting (and some kids in the world aren't) rather than pay them." - ilanadavita

In a perfect world, maybe. But we have to be practical and realize who we are dealing with. Obviously this is a much larger topic which we can discuss at a different time.

"You know what would work? Having girls in their class." - Fearliss

Right up until there I thought you were actually quoting R' Kanievsky. I taught in coed schools for two years and found that it wasn't the case. Immature is immature no matter what the context.

"if you pose a question that you think no one can answer and you offer money to who ever gets it right" - mike in midwood

Funny story: My 3rd grade Rebbe offered 100 bucks for a question that he thought nobody would ever get, and a friend of mine nailed it. He gave him a dollar.

So, is quoting commenters a good way to get people to comment more? Or is it ruining the beauty of commenting? Either way, I'm not paying for it. But I'll offer 100 bucks for anyone who gets the title of the last two posts.

Dum, dadadada, dum dum da-dum

2009-08-24T17:50:00.008-04:00

One of the hardest undertakings for a high school teacher is to create a viable system of rewards for students. Many students are not really motivated by grades or calls to their mommy and daddy. Most systems of checks or tickets or raffles may seem juvenile. Plus, many kids see right through it and say: "Is it worth behaving the entire year for a chance to win a $18 gift certificate to Nobody Beats the Wiz?"

The best motivator out there has got to be money. So why not bring in a stack of bills or a roll or quarters, or just keep a list of how much money each kid earns and pay them off at the end of the month? A quarter for a right answer, a buck for behaving for a few periods. Why not?

The obvious problem is in terms of a supplier. The schools aren't providing a $500 a-month budget for each teacher...but why not ma'aser. Why don't I use my ma'aser money to benefit myself in the process? I'm gonna ask a shailah (seriously). Or, to make it easier, do any poskim read this blog? If you do, can you answer my shailah. C'mon Rav Elyashiv, I know you're out there.

Back to Normal

2009-08-24T17:45:00.003-04:00

As the school year begins (still two weeks away), I will hopefully be returning to posting at least twice a week. It's a lot easier when I am in school and I have more things on my mind. So everyone get ready with those intelligent and witty comments!

Fearliss Speaks

2009-08-13T09:54:00.003-04:00

Here's a guest post from #1 reader and commenter Fearliss. Needless to say, he agrees with everything I say about Shidduchim...psyche!

YD has recently taken to espousing his views on shidduchim and how singles should go about finding their zivug. Recently, I asked if I could give my view from the other side – on how shadchanim should be acting with singles and how to properly help these seemingly helpless people. Since this is a blog, all the views in this article are my own and written from a male’s point of view. Feel free to agree or argue in the comments section. I hope YD invites me to do more guest blogging in the future. Of course, I used quotes from Wayne’s World as headings, Bill Simmons style.

A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?

I think this is the most important point so I’ll start with it. You must know the people you’re trying to set up and know them pretty well. Good friends should take the role of setting up their friends. I know not everyone wants to play the role of shadchan but I think it’s the best way to match up people properly. I’m astounded by how often professional shadchanim are way off the mark. If I was that bad at my job I would’ve been fired years ago. If you’re not good at understanding someone’s personality, sense of humor, or, more importantly, what annoys them, then don’t get involved in shidduchim. Sit this aspect of life out, it’s ok. We need capable people acting as shadchanim, not incapable people. Dating is a necessary step towards marriage but I think you’ll have better experiences if the person doing the setting up knows both parties well. You’ll have less “one and done’s” and more “date ‘em till you hate ‘em” situations. People will be more positive about dating. They’ll come home and say “I went on 4 dates with that girl, she wasn’t for me but at least I don’t strongly dislike her as a person” instead of, “What the heck was that?” Even if the shidduch doesn’t work out it’s important have positive dating experiences and I think friends have a better shot at finding a shayich girl for you than random shadchanim.

Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say, it's OK, I don't mind. I don't mind. Well I mind! I mind big time? And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ.

People love to say “it’s worth a shot.” Well no, it’s really not. Before reading a shidduch to someone, think about what they’ve told you they want. If they say they want a girl who only eats lunch from Avi & David’s then you have what to choose from. Don’t give them a Circa girl. Don’t say “I know you only want an Avi & David’s girl but this Circa girl is really great, I think it’s worth a shot.” The guy wants an Avi & David’s girl, so just focus on that. The point is to get married, not just go on dates. The single knows what he’s comfortable with and what he can handle. He might have a great time with the Circa girl but deep down inside he knows there’s just something about Circa girls that bother him and it will be me’akev actually marrying her.

You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.

It makes it tough to say “no” if the shadchan is pressuring the guy to say “yes.” The shadchan has to trust that the single knows what’s best for him. This is a vague area because some people are more flexible than others and need to be pushed a little, but for the most part I think a person knows his own gut. Tell the person “I won’t be offended if you say no but I know a girl I thought might be good for you.” DON’T SAY “I met a girl last night at a wedding and thought you’d like her, you have to go out with her.” No one ever has to do anything.

I picked up a little Cantonese while I was in the Orient. You know, you sound a lot like you're from Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.

Like when Wayne macked on Cassandra in the above quote, shadchanim need to be smooth in their words and be convincing. If a single hears any hesitation in your voice they’ll know you’re not totally sold on the idea. Instill confidence and a belief in the potential shidduch, it goes a long way.

I know I don't have his looks. I know I don't have his money. I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines. I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw...

I know this post isn’t perfect. You can’t put shidduchim in a box and I’m sure someone will argue the complete opposite of my points. Yes, guys get married to girls way outside their circle. Yes, random shadchanim can sometimes make the perfect shidduch. However, in general this doesn’t happen often. Most marriages were set up by people who know both parties. Think about your friends and who they married. Are more than 1 or 2 married to people from different backgrounds or did they grow up fairly similar? Let’s keep things simple.

And just to close with one last memorable quote for all the people not yet married:

She will be mine. Oh, yes - she will be mine

George Michael and Shidduchim?

2009-08-05T10:06:00.013-04:00

While shopping at Key Food yesterday, I was enjoying the lite music being played over the store's loudspeaker. Included was the song Faith by George Michael. I'm not sure how many readers are familiar with this song, but it happens to be the title track on one of the best-selling albums of all-time. Why am I telling you this?

The song itself is basically about a guy who wants to continue a relationship with his girlfriend (or boyfriend if George Michael is singing about himself), but says that he can't because he "gotta have faith." What the heck does that mean? What does having faith have to do with dumping his girlfriend? While in the condiment aisle I figured out the answer, and it reminded me of a thought I had about shidduchim.

Obviously, George Michael is saying that he shouldn't stick with a relationship just to have a relationship. He gotta have faith that something better will come around instead of staying with his current one for the sake of not being alone. He must do the right thing and have faith it will work out.

This clearly shows me the George Michael is an ardent proponent of today's shidduch practices. Young men and women are constantly making lists, checking them twice and rejecting potential spouses. I presume that part of the intention of being picky is l'shem shamayim. Why wouldn't someone want to find a spouse that they believe will be the right one to help them grow religiously. I already stated my beliefs about this way of thinking in a different post, but the argument does make some sense. So if somebody rejects a possible date, they are just displaying faith that if they make a decision for religious reasons, G-d will help them out.

However, I think herein lies a certain amount of hypocrisy. I assume most frum daters believe in the ever-popular concept of Bashert, that G-d has someone set aside specifically for them. That being the case, the process of dating is simply a process of finding this person that is meant for you. However, there is no way that a human being can ever figure out exactly how G-d would decide who is right for who, so how can anyone make lists and cross people off? How can anyone claim to know how to figure out G-d's criteria?

In fact, the exact opposite should be true: Boys and girls should take every opportunity to meet someone who may potentially be that person they are destied to marry. By rejecting someone, you are possiby putting off a chance to meet that designated Bashert. So what George Michael calls faith may actually be a lack of faith. Obviously (as I always mention to keep myself out of trouble), things aren't so clear-cut and people have to make practical decisions. Nobody has to assume that anybody can be their bashert, and that they are meant to be m'karev them or something (classic joke). Sometimes you know if someone's not for you, I get that, but maybe a little more faith seeing how things will work out would be helpful.

Therefore, I propose that we officially change the term "The Shidduch Crisis" to "The George Michael Hypocrisy of Faith," I can see the posters now:

This week at B'nei Yeshurun, Rav Mordechai Willig and Rav Herschel Shachter speak about The George Michael Hypocrisy of Faith. Following will be a question and answer section with Dr. David Pelcowitz how to integrate the music of Billy Idol into your being m'chanech your children. 10 dollars admission, 5 dollars if you are wearing tight jeans and a leather jacket.

And, because I can't resist, here are ten songs (including the above-mentioned) that I love listening to and singing with, even if they are a bit embarrassing (feel free to add your own in the comments):

1. Faith - George Michael
2. Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
3. Never Gonna Get It - En Vogue
4. Waterfalls - TLC
5. Mmmmbop - Hanson
6. Eternal Flame - The Bangles ( I know all the lyrics)
7. Everything I do - Bryan Adams (I will always know the lyrics)
8. Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves
9. Roam - The B-52's
10. Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

(playlist on the right,enjoy... just don't admit it.)

Personal Judaism

2009-08-03T12:28:00.007-04:00

In honor of Fearliss and an a certain Vikings fan who both need things to do at work:

Nobody likes saying kinos... well maybe some people, but not me. Why? Well because it reminds me of the sadness I feel for the destruction of...okay it's because they take a long time and I don't understand what I'm saying. But you know what? I think that even if I understood what I was saying I wouldn't completely appreciate saying them. I'll explain:

Most of davening entails stating objective praises of G-d (pesukei d'zimrah) or objective praises combined with requests (Shmoneh Esrei) that Jews should be able to appreciate on the whole. Kinos however, are different. They are a compilation of personal expressions of sorrow over churban. They are poems that are mostly written in an emotional and expressive manner.

I can only speak for myself, but isn't it difficult to express some else's personal feelings and use them as your own. It's like when celebrities or athletes or politicians issue apologies and they read it off of a prepared statement. If I have to hear an athlete say "I have let my team down, let my family down, and most importantly, let myself down" one more time, I think I'm gonna puke. You can't apologize off a piece of paper and you can't mourn from one either.

This concept applies throughout religious life, specifically in the areas that are subjective. If there is no specific formula for how a male must dress, so let him decide what he believes to be the proper way to dress religiously. If there are no official guidelines as to how much a person should eat, then let them decide at what point they feel they are indulging inappropriately. If a person is to make these decisions solely on the basis of what other people say and do, no matter how great these people may be, they are losing a bit of themselves in the process, and are losing the opportunity to make these decision more meaningful. A person cannot truly feel comfortable passing someone else's thoughts, beliefs and ideas as their own.

Granted, I am making a large assumption here. I am assuming (yes, I know what happens when you assume) that the areas in halacha that don't come with specific guidelines are meant to be subjective and that the decisions should be guided by what each individual finds to be meaningful.

However, I do believe that there are objective things within this realm as well. For instance, there may be no specific issur to go hear a vulgar comedian, but I'm pretty sure that objective Jewish values say that it's wrong. But I believe that most things aren't as clear cut.

It has become a problem in orthodox Jewish society today that too much of people's non-halachik decisions are based on what other people do. I don't think I need to give specific examples, plus, it's getting late.

For more on this subject, you can read this post and this post.

Parshas Devarim: Knowing When to Say "Yes"...Or at Least "Okay"

2009-07-24T09:34:00.006-04:00

There is a nice D'var Torah on torah.org with a great chinuch message that people don't always get. I'll summarize it.

Based on the pesukim that recount the story of the meraglim, the Gemara in Sotah deduces that although Moshe thought sending the spies was a good idea, Hashem did not. So why allow it?

R' Frand quotes R' Mottel Katz, a former Rosh Yeshiva at Telz, who answers the question:
Sometimes, even thought the "correct" to a request may be no, for the sake of chinuch we have to say yes.

Then, R' Katz relates a personal story, showing that he practices what he preaches:

"One day, the boys came over to me in yeshivah and asked me to change the yeshivah schedule for one night," writes Rabbi Katz. “They wanted to daven Maariv earlier than we regularly did.
"When I asked them why they wanted to daven early, they explained that there was a heavyweight championship bout being fought in New York that night, and they wanted to listen to the match on the radio. If we would daven at the regular time, they would miss the fight."

"Of course the very request was inappropriate, not to mention the questionable propriety of yeshivah students listening to a fight between two humans trained to beat each other until one of them could no longer stand up."

"I realized that if I refused, the boys simply would not understand why I refused. Having grown up in America, they were accustomed to the finest, most respectable citizens flying in from all over the country to view these matches. They considered watching or listening to the radio broadcast of two adults pummeling each other a perfectly normal means of recreation."
"I decided," concludes Rabbi Katz, "that since these boys would not begin to understand why I was refusing their request, it would be better to allow them to daven early and listen to the match."

I would go on, but the message is so clear.

Actually, I just thought of something to add: Even when we have to say okay, we should also explain our decision: Why we thought it was the right thing to say okay, and why we would rather have said no. I have found that kids actually appreciate the "I understand you guys" speech, as long as it is not given in a condescending way.

The One Question

2009-07-19T16:53:00.002-04:00

I might get some flak for this, but I think I figured out the one question that is important to ask before dating someone, and it's a question you should ask yourself.

Ask yourself: "If it were 10 years from now and I was still single, would I date this person?" If the answer is yes, then give it a shot now.

The Bais Yaakov Dilemma

2009-07-16T16:31:00.002-04:00

Good Post at Ezzie's blog.

Belongs on mine though.

Flipping out (Part IV: The Effect on Shidduchim)

2009-07-12T19:12:00.022-04:00

We've all heard the silly stories about the girl who wouldn't date a guy because his family put plastic on the Shabbos tablecloth, or about the guy who would only date a girl who's mother was still skinny at 50. And we can all laugh at these stories and call them stupid and say we would never be that dumb and that we know better. But do we?

Is there a major difference between only going out with a girl that has a skinny mom and only going out with a girl that doesn't watch movies? Or only dating a guy that wants to be in chinuch? (Who are usually the best looking guys, I might add.) Whereas the first situations are considered to be ridiculous, the latter are mainstream criteria that people use when selecting potential mates. The first cases are laughed at, whereas the others are acceptable factors.

Hmmmm......

I think that the flipping out phenomenon has a tremendous impact on the dating scene. As we have mentioned numerous times, the motivation the underlies much of the lifestyle changes for out post-high school students is the focus on holiness. The most significant criteria in any decision are "how will this make me more involved in spiritual matters" and "how will this remove me from worldly matters?"

Now, we understand when young men and women won't socialize (worldly matter) or take college seriously (same...and bittul torah as well). It makes sense why someone would change their name (what's holier: Jake or Ya'akov?) or never watch a movie (worldly as well). And of course, this can be taken to logical extremes as well, but that's not today's topic.

The truth is, that this phenomenon isn't unique to Modern Orthodox yeshiva and seminary students. The majority of traditional halacha-abiding Jewish communities have the same way of thinking. Therefore, this way of thinking must permeate the shidduch dating scene which is for the most part solely composed of traditional halacha-abiding Jews.

This has created a "list" phenomenon in the dating scene: How many times a day does she daven? How many hours a day does he learn? How does he or she dress? Does he watch movies? Does she watch TV?

Why has this happened? Well if your you have one major criteria, and that major criteria is easy to apply to every scenario, then all you need is a piece of paper and and a pen, and you can make many of your life decisions based on straight-forward factual information.

Besides the fact that this takes the magic out of dating, I think, from experience, that this way of thinking is completely faulty. The point of a relationship is not to become more spiritual or more religious. If that were the goal, there would be no marriage, and we would just stay in Yeshiva. Marriage is about building you as a person much more than it is building you directly in your service of G-d. I'm not saying that service of G-d isn't the ultimate goal. Rather, that part of serving G-d is becoming a more sympathetic caring and devoted person. Additionally, it cannot be underestimated how much becoming a more complete person can help you with your religious goals.

There has also been a spill-over effect to non-religious factors: Is she loud? Is he friendly? Is she smart? Is he funny? What does he do? What does she do? Where did he go to school? Where is she in college?

Although these are all factors that can affect a relationship, they have little to do with what makes a relationship. What makes a person right for you is that they are right for you, and you'll never know unless you give them a chance. I think that very often, those who have the practice to investigate shidduchim and then say no because of certain factors, are making a huge mistake. They are looking for someone that piques their interest or at least keeps them in their comfort zone, but they may be passing on a tremendous opportunity.

This is also why I hate having to describe a person for shidduch purposes. I know that the person I'm talking to is waiting for some fact or some description that's gonna make them say "Wow! I really want to date this person!" And if I can't provide that tidbit, the potential just becomes a name on a list for emergency purposes. Again, what makes a person good for you is that they are good for you, period. The only way to find out is to give someone a chance.

So, if it were up to me, everyone would have 2 or 3 things that could not be compromised, and besides that, they would have to say yes. And everybody would have to go on at least three dates (obviously, there would have to be exceptions). And nobody could say no because "he's too quiet," or "her skirt was a little too short," or "he might not want to go into chinuch." "We had a bad time" is a fair excuse. Actually, if it were up to me, there would be no rules because people would realize this on their own.

I apologize if this is insensitive to the dating population; I understand that it's not as simple as I make it seem. But this is how I see it, and part of this viewpoint comes from being married.

There are two follow up questions I have, and I would love some feedback in the comments on this:

1. For those who are or have been married: Based on being married, what criteria do you think are the most important when finding out about a shidduch (if any)?

2. Is there a way that change can be brought to this situation? Do community leaders (aka Rabbis) agree with these sentiments? Is anything being done?

Citizen Kane and Kurt Cobain: Models for Mechanchim?

2009-07-06T14:07:00.013-04:00

Nothing says "Cool Rebbe" like being able to reference movies and grunge music in the same blog post. Aren't I cool? Anyways...

I recently watched the movie which is ranked by the American film institute as being the greatest movie of all time. I wanted to see what is so great about this movie...and I was disappointed. I'm not saying I didn't like the movie; I actually did. Just that I wouldn't put it in the same category as say, Tommy Boy, or even Black Sheep. So I went online to find out why this movie is so great.

Apparently, the greatness of this movie just as much to do with its film-making innovation as its content. I'm not familiar with the techniques that it invented, just that it was very influential. Additionally, it was very controversial in that it allegedly mimicked the life of infamous journalist William Randolph Hearst, who wasn't too happy about the movie.

When I saw this, I was immediately reminded of Nirvana's album Nevermind and song Smells Like Teen Spirit. This album and song almost always make lists of greatest albums and songs of all time. Yet, I can't imagine that anybody really thinks that on music and vocals alone, this song and album are among the greatest. I personally prefer their Unplugged in NY album and my favorite Nirvana song is probably All Apologies, or their cover of David Bowie's The Man Who Sold the World.

However, when you take impact into account, there is no question. Kurt Cobain was the face of the angry grunge generation of the 90's. He put so much emotion into his songwriting, it is not surprising how much screaming is involved in the songs. Nevermind was the most influential album of its time and spawned an entire generation of grunge rock (I miss the good old days) which is the last great generation of music. The truth is that it was the last generation of music as today's generation is all about celebrity.

Now, to chinuch. To many, especially today, greatness is defined in terms of popularity and achievement. It seems that every single person who uses the internet is trying to get everyone to know their name and hear what they have to say (hence, part of the motivation to write this blog). However, Kurt Cobain and Citizen Kane are there to remind us that although not everyone has the ability or the opportunity to do "great" things, those who influence and inspire the future generations are just as great, if not greater. I'd write the nimshal, but it's pretty obvious.

Now, while we are on the topic, here are my 10 favorite grunge songs:
(I hope someone appreciates this)

10. Cherub Rock - Smashing Pumpkins
9. I Wonder - Blind Melon
8. Tomorrow - Silverchair
7. I Stay Away - Alice n' Chains
6. The Day I Tried to Live - Soundgarden
5. Possum Kingdom - Toadies
4. The Bends - Radiohead
3. Black - Pearl Jam
2. Been Caught Stealin' - Jane's Addiction
1. Burden in My Hand - Soundgarden

To take a listen, just use the playlist I added on the right

A little slow

2009-07-02T08:06:00.002-04:00

Many of you may be thinking: "well, teachers have summers off, which is a huge joke, so at least this guy can spend his time entertaining us who are still at work by increasing his number of blog posts. Maybe he can put one up every fifteen minutes, after all, that is how often I take a break from work to look at the internet."

Sorry to disappoint, but I actually have a lot of work to do over the summer. Apart from my reguar preparation for limmudei kodesh, I am also teaching math for the first time next year so I have a lot of work to do on that. And no, I will not be wearing a button down short sleeve shirt nor start to carry pens in my front pocket.

So, if I only end up posting once in a week, don't be sad; it's not personal. And if I post more than twice in a week, call me and tell me to get back to work.

I like people that get it

2009-07-01T00:13:00.004-04:00

http://hirhurim.blogspot.com/

For some reason, the link to the specific post doesn't work - it's the one called Post-Demoninational Kiruv or something like that

Camp Counselors

2009-06-30T10:18:00.007-04:00

Just a quick heads-up for all the parents out there who send their kids to sleep-away camps:

Realize that a camp counselor can have a greater impact on child over two months than a teacher can have over 10 months or a parent can have over 10 years. These people spend almost every waking moment with your children during the summer and even sleep in the same room as them. Try somehow to keep tabs on what lessons these young men and women are teaching your children, you may end up being very upset, or very happy with what you find out. Obviously don't expect perfect role models, but be aware.

Just a quick heads-up for those who are interested in going into chinuch:

You will probably get a much better idea about whether you are cut out for chinuch by being a camp counselor over being chinuch staff. Chinuch in camp is generally a joke. There are usually no classrooms, no consequences for positive and negative behavior (except maybe raffle tickets to win a keychain or something stupid like that), no grades, no structure, no learning atmosphere in the camp etc.. etc.. It in almost no way approximates real teaching.

Also, expect many of the campers to pick up on this and not take your shiur seriously at all, I can't blame them. At my interview for Mevaseret, after introducing myself, the Rosh Yeshiva said something to the effect of "Hmmmm....weren't you that kid who slept through my shiur every day two summers ago? Needless to say, I didn't get in. So unfair.

However, being a counselor includes one of the most important aspects of chinuch: The ability to balance being a role-model, disciplinarian, and friend. You will learn what does and does not work in terms of discipline and in terms of creating positive relationships. You will realize how much and what thing kids imitate from their role models. You will realize what strengths and weaknesses you have in this area, and how that will impact your ability to be successful in the world of chinuch. Obviously, don't base your entire decision on a summer or two, but the experience is definitely meaningful in helping you with your decide.

Okay "Fear"liss, knock yourself out.

YU Again

2009-06-25T20:18:00.002-04:00

Not to beat this to death, but I just wanted to post a comment from Chaim B., which basically says the same thing, just from a different angle:

What you are looking for is the German Torah Im Derech Eretz approach which aimed to create well rounded ba'alei batim who knew how to learn a little bit but aspired to regular careers, not kollel. The Litvishe model is a different approach. The intitutional goal is to produce gedolei yisrael, and everyone who doesn't pass muster will fall by the wayside and is expendable. If you check vol 4 of R' Dessler's Michtav m'Eliyahu he has a letter where he pretty much says this outright. YU views itself as part of the Volozhin legacy; the Rav was a Litvishe Brisker. YU amounts to the same model as other yeshivos with college grafted on.

Anyone who thinks that the derech of Volozhin is appropriate for even half of the students in YP, please raise your hand.

Finding a Center: The Role of Yeshiva University Part II

2009-06-25T08:34:00.005-04:00

I got some good comments on my last post, but I think some of you may have misunderstood my point, so I will just clarify and maybe add to it.

As Fearliss points out, YU is not a warm fuzzy place for young men to be taken care of. It is a college, not a yeshiva, and in order for it to be as successful as it has been, it must remain that way. At this point, students should know what they are getting in to when they get there, and surely, the Rebbeim in the Israel yeshivas know as well. Fearliss claims that this should absolve YU from any complaints regarding their lack of guidance.

I definitely see his point, however, I think that every person and institution must know their actual role as well as they way they perceive themselves. Whether they like it or not, YU is a place that many newly-committed (vulnerable) young men come to begin their journey into life. They need guidance. And if YU is going to open their doors to so many students like this, they need to be responsible in some way for their well-being. They are making advances, but I really think the burden should placed a little more on the Rebbeim, who are being paid a pretty good salary, from what I gather.

But that is not really the issue that I am most concerned with. What bothers me is the tremendous potential that is being wasted at YU. What our community needs is an option in the center. There is a large gap between the Modern Orthodox and Yeshivish communties, which are, in my mind, both generally missing the boat. There is no real community in the middle, only individuals that believe in a more balanced approach to Judaism.

There is no doubt, that many of these individuals are among those that manage and teach at YU. There is also no doubt that YU is an institution founded on a more balanced approach. The big question is the Rebbeim. If, in fact, many of the Rebbeim have more moderate views about professional life, well-roundedness, character development, modern culture etc... then they have not done a good job of espousing those views to those who really need to hear them (aka their students). Most of what they do, and really have time to do, is give shiur. Yes, there are exceptions in kind and degree, but this is generally the case.

Therefore, the culture in YU has become almost completely Torah based. This is a problem because most students are not destined for a Torah-only life, and because it allows for the continuation of the completely imbalanced and dangerous approach that many young men acquire during their time in Israel.

And if the Rebbeim are not espousing more centrist views because they don't believe in them, then maybe YU should find Rebbeim who do. It is ridiculous and dysfunctional for an institution to believe one way and to have the most influential people in that institution think differently. The big tragedy here is that YU is the one place with enough power to do something, but they constantly seem to be focusing in the wrong places or tripping over their own two feet.

Another problem is the area of leadership. (Here, I might upset some people, and I would love to find out that I am wrong.) Because these students see only maggidei shiur and not leaders/activists they only perceive greatness in Judaism through the lens of Talmud Torah.

To quote commenter Ari (from Ezzie's blog): I humbly suggest that public service / tircha d'tziburah be promoted as a legitimate expression of spirituality by the Judaic studies portion of these programs or yeshivas and seminaries. This sensitivity to the spiritual, emotional and physical needs of friends, neighbors and families might inject a little balance into the curriculum.

Could not have said it better myself. Why do you think Chovavei became so popular? There was and still is a vacuum in Modern Orthodox leadership (With notable exceptions Rabbis Blau, Dratch and others in the area of child abuse).

I would love to hear a million examples about why I am wrong.
But this is just the impression that I get.

Finding a Center: The Role of Yeshiva University

2009-06-24T07:41:00.009-04:00

I just read that DRS (the boys high school in Woodmere) is opening up a post-high school yeshiva program. I am extremely happy with this news, although I am sure (based on speaking to someone there), that Yeshiva University is not. Obviously this presents a potential cheaper option for those who want to attend Queens College or a comparable place. But it is not only the potential savings that excites me.

I am not going to go through my entire story, but suffice it to say that I was not happy for the year I spent at YU. I subsequently switched to Lander College, from where I graduated. I know, if I switched to Lander you are probably thinking that I must have...

a) Thought of myself as being yeshivish
b) Considered poetry to be the source of all evil in the world
c) Labeled Rabbi Lamm as a kofer
d) Been really weird
e) All of the above

Actually none is true, except maybe d. I switched because I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy because I felt that the environment in the Yeshiva Program was (and probably still is) a bit too Torah-Centric. Here's what I mean:

As we have discussed numerous times, there is a lot more to meaning in a Jewish life than how much a person engages in "holy" activities. There is a lot to be said for accomplishing things outside the realm of what people call "spirituality." People, including myself, are often sensitive to this, and need other things for their spirituality. In fact, engaging in pursuits other than "holiness" may be fulfilling part of the purpose of creation. If you don't trust me, read the first chapter of By His Light, which is based on R' Aharon Lichtenstein's speeches. (Thanks to fellow blogger Erachet for suggesting I read it; it's a must-read for anyone who believes in "being normal.")

This idea, is one of the biggest casualties of the "flipping out" phenomenon. When many teenagers flip out they change their entire focus to the areas of Talmud Torah and holiness. What many don't realize is that to drastically alter your focus is not an obligation incumbent on every person, and that for many, it is unhealthy. Additionally, they may become ignorant of the fact that other who don't follow their approach, may actually be doing the right thing.

As we have discussed, the Rebbeim is Israel have the ability to set these kid straight, and often don't, either because they don't believe they should, or because they think it will hurt the effectiveness of their Yeshiva, or some other reason. However, as fellow blogger Chaim pointed in the comments, the post-high school Rebbeim have just as much responsibility and ability to attend to this problem.

Which brings me to YU. I found there to be very little guidance from the Rebbeim in Yeshiva University. Many of them only come in for a few hours, just to give shiur, and leave. Very little is heard from the Rebbeim besides the Torah they teach, and for some, even the Parsha shiur is just another Gemara sugya on a topic related to the Parsha. Every once in a while there was a speech about a meaningful topic like dating or something, but this was never followed by a "meet with the rebbe and discuss your issues personally" session. In short, one could easily get the impression there that Talmud Torah is the only important value.

My impression was that this attitude was very prevalent among the students there as well. People spent hours on end learning, (which is good) but cut a lot of their classes (which is bad), brought seforim to class (which is disrespectful), were constantly deriding the Madda portion of the school (also bad), and gave off the general impression that value to yourself and the Jewish people is based on how much Torah you learn. These guys were the ones who were "well-known" in the Beis Medrash (aka the role models), and were overall just way too intense.

I wouldn't have a problem with this if YU were strictly a Yeshiva for the most serious boys. But it's not. Just based on the sheer numbers, there is no way that the Yeshiva Program can expect everyone to be Torah-only students. Additionally, YU itself stands for the type of well-rounded philosophy that is not most common among it's students. Most care too much about Torah, or not enough Torah, to even come near the ideal YU product. So either the Rebbeim are not on boat with YU philosophy (which is dysfunctional) or they are, but don't have time to care (which is equally as dysfunctional).

Either way, YU has the potential to produce normal, but G-d fearing graduates who are knowledgeable in both their professional field and in Torah. But unfortunately, the opportunity is not being taken advantage of for whatever reason or reasons that may be. I know YU has been trying lately to reverse this trend, but until they do more to change the culture there, I will be excited about any new possible program that may (or may not) steer their students, and by extension the rest of us, in the right direction.

Parshas Sh'lach: Keeping Our Opinons to Ourselves

2009-06-19T07:51:00.004-04:00

Just a thought on the parsha I had while on the way into work today. I was thinking about it while listening to a combination of Mike and Mike and Achtung Baby from U2, so maybe it's not so coherent. Or, maybe the fact that I was listening to such shtuss was m'tamei the idea, and even if it makes sense, it must be treated as senseless. Depends on how religious you are.

The sin of the spies is always seen as one of lashon hora. We all remember learning in elementary school about how the Medrash says that their tongues grew to the ground and bugs crawled in an ate their insides. This was supposed to be a punishment for the fact that they used their tongues to speak lashon hara about the land of Israel. (Somehow, there was never a picture of this in The Little Medrash Says.)

But if you think about it, they were being sent to being a report about Eretz Yisrael, and even G-d allowed them to go and spy. How can they be punished for what they said, if that is what they actually felt, and they were doing it for a purpose. It seems to me that their sin was more in terms of their faith than in what they said. So why is lashon hara regarded as being their sin? (Unless maybe this is just one of those elementary school misconceptions.)

I think the idea is as follows:

The fact that a person may have a problem with faith does not mean they should be going around spreading the gospel. Everyone has to realize that there are a million sides to every story, and the impression that one person has may not have anything in common with someone else's beliefs. Although the spies may have truly felt that the Jewish people would have been doomed if they entered Eretz Yisrael, they should have realized that it was possible (and more like probable) that G-d would save them from any troubles they would encounter. They should have realized the optimism that the people may have had, and how they would be crushing that faith with their report. Their mistake was that they did not relay the information honestly, they relayed in a way that promoted their point of view.

Being that is a chinuch blog, I'll tie it in here. When teaching kids, it's very important to realize the impact our words can have. It's not always wise to share our perspective on certain topics, whether it be strict or lenient, optimistic or cynical. It's not always wise to share everything we think because our students have other ways of thinking and may not be equipped to deal with the dissonance that comes from hearing other perspectives. Additionally, we don't always have the time or means to help them deal. I am not saying never to voice your opinions or the opinions other other, just that it should be done with caution and sensitivity.

The Mishna Project

2009-06-18T09:08:00.004-04:00

Nowadays, there is a greater percentage of Orthodox Jew receiving a formal Jewish education. Additionally, the areas of Torah Sheba'al Peh (Mishna and Gemara) that were normally reserved for the smarter and more motivated kids are becoming standard education for all. Therefore, it is important that we adjust our teaching methods accordingly. The Rebbe reading and explaining and the students listening just doesn't cut it anymore, at least not for the non-honors kids. We should be teaching skills and using more advanced teaching method to teach the more difficult topics to the average student.

To some, having someone teach Gemara using Microsoft Powerpoint and using games to teach Mishna may seems like an embarrassment to the process, but in fact, in order to tech every child, such strategies are definitely in order. Hence the significance of something like The Mishna Project.

Created by three extremely talented, eccentric, and bearded brothers, The Project seeks to teach Mishnayos in a way that is fitting for today's students, using the powerful learning tool known as music There obviously are those who oppose this endeavor, but that just means they don't understand The Depth of the Matter.

If only you knew your Gemara as well as you know...

2009-06-17T08:54:00.004-04:00

the lyrics to We Didn't Start the Fire?

I just heard this song on the radio, and I am glad to report that I still know every single word to the song that I memorized when I was 10.

Favorite Rhymes:

1) Foreign Debts, Homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz

2) Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the Airline

I heard that whenever this song comes on the radio, there is a famous Rosh Yeshiva that always stops and sings a few verses. Anyone else heard that, or am I confusing it with another story?

This Post is not Appropriate for Bas Yisroel or Ben Torah to Read

2009-06-16T09:51:00.004-04:00

If you are reading this becasue of the title, this may be a bit of a letdown. Sorry.

Commenter and fellow blogger Ariella pointed out the use of the phrase "Bas Yisroel" in the description of the tznius book we were talking about. While her beef seems to be more with the identification of a "bas yisroel" almost solely based on how modestly they dress, I have a more general problem with the way this term, and of course, the male counterpart, "Ben Torah," are used. These phrases are almost always utilized to define which thoughts, words, activities, and other things are inappropriate, although not assur. I find this a bit offensive.

As religious Jews, we should all seek to get out values from the Torah. In many ways this is easy. Should charity be a value? Of course; the Torah requires that we assist our fellow Jews. What about prayer? Well, according to most, the Torah requires that we daven at least once a day, and there are numerous examples of the value of prayer throughout the Torah.

The problem is, what happens when we get past what it required of us? So we give 10% to charity, what about more? We daven once or twice or three times a day (I'm trying to keep it PC), but what about more? This is where we get into the realm of d'var reshus, subjective values. To some, davening is so important that they will say tehilim for 15 minutes after davening, but may give exactly 10% to charity. On the other hand, you can have someone who gives 20% to charity but doesn't daven more than they have to. Can either say that they are right and other wrong? Of course not; the realm of d'var reshus is one of personal expression.

My impression, and I think it's pretty obvious, is that the tension provided by subjective values is one of the biggest, if not the biggest force in the ideological split between the "left" and the "right." Personally, I believe that those to the right cause problems by trying to objectify practices that are subjective. G-d left certain things out for a reason, and I don't believe it was simply to test out faith in da'as torah.

We, as humans, need to feel that we are adding something from ourselves to our religion, and the omission of certain requirements makes that possible. That being the case, nobody has the right to define what is appropriate for a Ben or Bas Torah. Each person must take the objective values that they have been given and decide themselves how to apply them to other situations. To try and make objective claims in this area is to take away a basic right from every Jew.

In the realm of chinuch, I find this to be very important. Kids have enough trouble being told all the things they really have to do, why add more things to the list that don't need to be there? All people, especially teenagers, need to feel as if they are finding their own identity, and this is especially difficult with religion which takes a bit of that away.

I learned this lesson my first year teaching when a kid was walking down the hallway and cursing like he was in Major League. I was passing by and suggested to the kid that he speak "like a Jew." (I'm kind of embarrassed just remembering that I actually said that.) Needless to say, this did not make him happy. "What does that mean, like a Jew? I hate when people say that!" So I apologized, modified my statement to "please speak respectfully," and have never said anything like that again.

Now, this isn't to say that I wasn't right; I do believe that there are some things that can be labeled as inappropriate even if the are not assur. However it should be expressed in a way that represents the value rather than saying it's completely wrong. To say a Ben Torah doesn't say this or that a Bas Yisroel shouldn't wear that is really something that a Ben or Bas Torah shouldn't say.

Parshas Beha'aloscha: We aren't perfect, and that's okay

2009-06-12T11:01:00.007-04:00

Structurally, one of the strangest parts of the Torah is the presence of the "vayi'he bin'soah" section in Beha'aloscha. This little (85 letter) section seems to be out of place, and is sectioned off by two upside down nuns (insert Sister Act joke here). What's the deal?

The Gemara in Maseches Shabbos (116a) tells us that this section, which describes what Moshe Rabbeinu would say every time they picked up camp or settled down, really belongs in the section discussing the marching. However, it was placed here to separate between two negative events in Jewish History, the Jews leaving Har Sinai (for which they are described as a kid running away from school), and the Jews complaining to G-d about their condition in the desert.

The simple explanation here is that G-d didn't want two bad things written next to each other in the Torah. However, I think there might be a different message.

The first negative event is pretty understandable. The Jewish people have this clear and inspiring vision at Har Sinai that has changed their lives forever. Once it is over, they realize that life will go on without perpetual flashes of this revelation. To keep up this level of inspiration is impossible, so they say "let's get out of here, before we are given more responsibility that we can't handle!" This reaction is not meant to negate the meaning of the experience of Har Sinai, rather, it results from an understanding of how powerful that experience is. This is more of an emotional sin, rather than one of belief.

The complaints of B'nai Yisrael are of a different category. By complaining, they are showing a lack of faith in G-d. Coming off the revelation at Har Sinai, this reaction is less forgivable, because it undermines the entire experience. G-d wanted to separate these two events to show that one does not have to lead to other; a lack of inspiration should not automatically create a rejection of belief.

Taking this ideas further, the parsha of vayihe bin'soah is perfect for the job. R' S.R. Hirsch explains (at least according to the bottom of the Stone Chumash) that this parsha is about Moshe's almost-perfect connection with G-d. The optimism in the parsha is clear. When they begin to march, Moshe says "G-d will destroy our enemies!" When they settle down, Moshe says "G-d is with us here too."

The level that Moshe is on cannot be reached by a regular Jew. He spoke to G-d peh el peh (it should be noted that the gematria of peh is 85, also the number of letters in this Parsha - see 115b in Maseches Shabbos for the signifiacne of this number) and saw G-d's message loud and clear. He had a level of inspiration that we can never reach. We should not feel that we must constantly be inspired and therefore, we should not run away from the source of inspiration.

Finally, getting a little kabbalistic, the use of the letter nun is also appropriate because it represents the unattainable. We received the Torah after 49 days and after reaching 49 levels, b/c the 50th level cannot be reached. This drives the lesson home: don't expect to be perfect, therefore, don't be afraid of responsibility.

I've got a name, I've got a lovely secular name...

2009-06-10T22:54:00.006-04:00

I'm sure many are familiar with the all-time favorite flipping-out pastime of young men and women deciding to go by their Jewish name after being known by their secular name for their entire existence. We have previously discussed the reasons for this phenomenon, and I am not going to rehash that discussion. Rather I would like to present the viewpoint of a certain Rabbi Moses (as he was incidentally known as on his stationary) Feinstein on a very similar topic. It should be a mitzvah to publicize this teshuva.

In the 4th chelek of Orach Chayim (somewhere in the samechs, I think), R' Moshe writes to a person who was concerned what to call his daughter. The child was going to be named after the guy's mother, so he wanted to know if they should call the baby by the mother's Hebrew name, or her secular name, which was how she was known (either way, the child would receive at least the Hebrew name).

R' Moshe advises calling the child by the secular name for the following reasons:

1. The concept of going by a secular name is not against the spirit of Judaism. We find many tana'im with Aramaic names, and many others as well. For example, R' Moshe points out that Maimon, Rambam's father did not have a Jewish name. R' Moshe even says that it isn't even in the spirit of mussar to use a Jewish name. However, to be fair, he does say that when Jews first started to use secular names, people must have been rightfully upset about it.

2. If the mother was known by her secular name, it is a greater honor for her and her family that the child be called by the name that she was. I assume, and not by any great stretch, that this logic would apply to a name given by your parents; it is a lack of respect to change the name they gave you.

3. The medrash that praises the Jews for keeping their names in Egypt does so b/c of the context. Since the Jewish people had little to distinguish themselves from the rest of the world (the Torah had not yet been given), they needed to rely on their name to separate them. Nowadays, R' Moshe argues, this is not necessary.

I wonder what some name-changers would say after hearing this teshuva.

This brings me to my next topic, limmudei kodesh teachers calling students by their Hebrew names. I understand many do this. They may want to help students identify with their religious side, or something like that. However, I don't like it. I think it often creates a disconnect both between the teachers and students, and between religious studies and the rest of their lives. It's like: Chumash is for Moshe Tzvi, not for Matt or something like that. But I definitely see both sides of the story here, and am sure this practive works with many kids. I just don't think it works with the majority.

I wonder what Uncle Moishy would say.

Tznius

2009-06-09T13:58:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: I do not and will never completely understand women. Therefore, you may take this post with a grain of salt, tell me I'm completely wrong, or just not read it. Your choice.

Thanks to Honestly Frum, I recently became aware of a new book which provides fashion tips for the modest Orthodox Jewish woman. Anyone how knows me would probably think that I would have some really cynical approach to this book. And they would be right...and wrong.

I think that this book is in general a good idea, as long as it is placed in the non-halachik Jewish books along with the cookbooks and the all-time great Bar Mitzvah gift Great Jews in Sports (who doesn't love that Mark Spitz moustache?). However, I still assume that this book has at least 3 haskamas and makes many blanket assumptions about what is proper, including within areas that are not defined by halacha. Although I'm pretty sure that I am not a woman, I can still be sure that tznius is a very personal issue. That being the case, to make across the board claims about what is appropriate to wear and what is not appropriate, is itself inappropriate and insensitive. But if it doesn't do that, I think the book is a great idea.

This got me thinking about the enforcement and emphasis of tznius in schools. I think the conversation must begin by acknowledging the diversion between values and law. Here are some applications of this tension:

Enforcing halacha is not the job of the school, but creating a religious environment is.

Our job as teachers should not be to make sure our students follow halacha. We can teach it and encourage it, but to enforce it, to me, is not what we should be doing. I don't believe in punishing boys for not wearing tzitzis or for punishing students when they don't daven or bentch. However, we must encourage, as to avoid the illusion that we condone not following halacha. I think the same applies to tznius: it is not our job to make sure that girls dress a certain way.

On the other hand, how can we create a religious environment without having davening, bentching, and following the guidelines of tznius? How do we expect to teach halacha and Jewish values if the entire school is openly flaunting them? I think that we have to find a balance with each situation in order to walk the line between enforcing halacha having a do-what-you want environment.

Although not speaking from experience, I think that this balance can be found only by ignoring the ruler and overlooking the letter of the law. There are ways to dress in which girls can feel as if they are being modest, although they may not be following what the administration believes to be the actual halacha. It should be emphasized to the students that
there are rules and that the school is not in the business of enforcing them. I have found this approach to work with my students; they appreciate the gesture and are more willing to listen afterwards, but I'm not sure how this would work on the macro level.

One catch: throwing away the tape measure makes enforcing a little more difficult; how can you enforce if there are no strict guidelines? However, I think that a faculty comprising sensitive teachers and administrators can deal with this issue properly.

The discrepancy can create an educational nightmare.

What do we teach? If we emphasize the value of tznius, we might send the wrong message and halacha may be compromised. If we emphasize the rules, then our religion become reduced to feet and inches, and many students may become disenfranchised by the prospect of following hilchos tznius. Teachers have to be very careful to balance teaching both sides of the story while being sensitive to the feelings of their students.

There are opinions out there that are not emphasized enough.

I do not claim to be an expert on this topic (or on any topic in halacha for that matter), but I have seen enough to know that there exist a few legitimate halachik opinions about what how much must be covered. Although it can be claimed that some opinions have become standard, but that doesn't give them a monopoly. As educators we should be presenting all sides of the story while preaching honesty and humility in decision making. Although I believe this is important in all areas of halacha, it weighs heavily here. Tznius is a sensitive topic, and when comes to sensitive topics, it is insensitive to present one way as being correct if there are alternatives.

We have to remember where are students are coming from.

Chinuch is a process. There is a reason that we don't require our children to follow mitzvos at age 6 and there is a reason that we have 12 or 13 years to ease them into shmiras hamitzvos. Many of my students, and the students of others, are not privy to have such a an upbringing. Some students hear about many concepts for the first time in 7th or 8th grade, and some have heard of them, but were never really initiated into the process. Basically, for many mitzvos, their chinuch begins at age 12 or 13 instead of 5 or 6. As much as it hurts to admit it, this is the truth and when it comes to things like tznius, we need to be the ones easing our students into appreciating and following the halachos. By coming on too strong, we run the risk of destroying any possible positive effect we may have.

Okay. I hope I didn't insult all the ladies out there.

Back Again

2009-06-07T10:39:00.000-04:00

No, not Motown Philly, just me. I will hopefully be starting to post again by Tuesday. Stay tuned...

Taking a Break

2009-05-26T10:39:00.001-04:00

I don't know if anyone noticed (or cares), but I have been pretty stingy with the posts lately. I have to prepare finals for work and I have a a paper to write for grad school. So I will be taking off from blogging until sometime in the first week of June. I'm sure you are all very heartbroken.

The Fades on Modes of Police Transportation

2009-05-21T09:07:00.003-04:00

Another good one from the crown-dwarf of funny observations.

http://thefades.blogspot.com/2009/05/brief-study-of-various-methods-of.html

Accountability (Part III: Accusations of Abusive Methods)

2009-05-18T15:31:00.019-04:00

By now, most of you have probably heard that there is a blog out there exposing the alleged abusive tactics of a certain Jewish educator. The goal is to gather as much anecdotal evidence as possible in order to stop this man's abusive ways from hurting any future students. This is, in theory, a commendable practice. In the past few years, the world of the blogs has been instrumental in exposing many cases of child abuse in the Orthodox world, which had not been part of the public consciousness at all. Why should this be any different?

I am not writing this in order to take sides, rather, to point out that this situation is not as clear-cut as it may seem. Accusing someone of abuse is a very serious claim, as the accuser is risking destroying a person's reputation and future. Being a teacher myself, I am particularly sensitive to this issue, in terms of what we should be held accountable for, and what is considered to be an appropriate forum for dealing with these problems.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I believe that it is unfair for anyone to have their every professional move scrutinized. I believe this for a few reasons :

1) Nobody is perfect, and therefore must be a certain degree of understanding when people err.

2) We can never put ourselves in someone else's shoes, and can therefore never fully appreciate the context in which something was done.

The bottom line is: before holding someone accountable the following must be decided: Are the things this person does a reflection of complete incompetence? Or, are these actions resulting from a certain imperfection in a person who is, on the whole, competent for the job?

When it comes to teaching, this line can often become blurred. Let's say a math teacher may has a certain method of teaching which certain students find boring and turns them off from learning. Now, many other students benefit from this form of teaching, and the teacher's track record is pretty good. Does that mean this teacher's reputation should be destroyed by the parents of the students who were completely turned off and failed the math regent because of it?

Similarly a teacher may bring a certain personality to the classroom that many students don't like. Yet, most students may like this teacher for the exact same reasons that the other students dislike them. Should the teacher then called on the carpet for those things that the students dislike about the teacher?

I can personally tell you that I have done or said things that a student did not have taken well. I have often apologized, if I thought I had done something wrong (or even if I didn't). But at times, I have to left it as is. I approached the situation in my way, which may not have worked out for everyone, but sometimes, that's life.

Before claiming that someone is psychologically abusive it should be determined whether the perceived abuse is simply a personality clash. Even if we are able to go beyond, and say that this person truly has a personality that many find to be reprehensible, that doesn't make him abusive. The definition of psychological abuse includes both intent to harm and sustained damage to a person's psyche.

I am not doubting many of the stories on this site, especially because they corroborate many things I have heard about this educator. However, from what I have seen ( and maybe I need to take a closer look), the site does not bring enough evidence of actual psychological abuse, but rather of an eccentric person, whose educational strategies are questionable at best.

In this age of internet anonymity, where anyone can say anything about anyone else, we should all be especially careful about what we say. Again, I am in no way saying that the creators of this site are liars, rather that they should have gathered more evidence before creating the site. It scares me to think that if I have a few students who dislike my teaching practices that I may end up having my reputation and future as a teacher ruined. This is besides the fact that without real proof of abuse, they could find themselves on the wrong end of a lawsuit.

I do hope that if this person is abusive, or that his teaching methods are inherently corrupt, that the truth comes out. And I do believe that educators should be held more accountable for their teaching practices than they have in the past. I hope the creators of this continue in that quest. I just think that it could have and should have been done in a more responsible way.

Parshas B'chukosai: Mitzvos and What Else?

2009-05-15T09:00:00.000-04:00

Parshas B'chukosai begins by telling us what we have to do as a nation in order to receive tremendous gifts from G-d.

Many question this concept: Why would there be a promise of reward in this world, if we would prefer eternal reward? The most common explanation I have heard is that the Torah is not referring to rewarding the Jewish people. Rather, we are being promised these gifts to further enhance our service of G-d in this world. Since we have shown that we can use the things in the world fulfill G-d's will, worldly possessions become tools, not rewards. So, the passuk is really telling us, "Doing these three things ensures that you utilize this world properly. Therefore, if you fulfill them, G-d will give you "gifts" to encourage and enable growth in this area."

So, who wants to know our recipe for success?

Here is the list, drumroll please....

1) B'chukosai Tailaichu - walking with G-d's laws (whatever that means)
2) Mitzvosai Tishmoru - guarding G-d's mitzvos (the "no-no's")
3) Va'asisem Osam - doing G-d's mitzvos (mitzvos aseh)

Sounds like the last two encompass everything, following G-d's commands. If so what is b'chukosai tailiachu referring to?

Rashi quotes the Medrash which deals with this question directly and concludes that it is referring to being ameilim b 'Torah - toiling in Torah. This is pretty logical: If the last two statements encompass every commandment, than the first must include something that is either not included in the commandments, or is, but can be fulfilled beyond what is required. Hence, limmud Torah which is arguably the most significant mitzvah for which extra credit can be earned.

S'forno, on the other hand, explains the entire passuk in the context of kiyum haMitzvos: B'chukosai Tailaichu refers to fulfilling commandments, Mitzvosai Tishmoru refers to learning about the mitzvos so that they become meaningful to you ("guarding them" means to do something that strengthens mitzvah observance), and Va'asisem Osam refers to the outcome, which is "doing" mitzvos in the proper way.

There are two ideas I take out of this:

1. The Medrash and S'forno seem to be representing two schools of thought in terms of our priorities in serving G-d.

Basically, the Final Jeopardy answer is: The best ways to serve G-d in this world are by following mitzvos and doing this. These two m'forshim are providing the question. The response of the Medrash is, "What is Learning Torah." Meaning...besides asiyas hamitzvos, if one wants to reach a level were their everyday lives have become meaningful, they should engage in learning Torah. The Torah itself contains all of G-d's values, even if not every one is mentioned outright. Therefore, there is inherent kedusha that comes with studying Torah; it provides better understanding of G-d's will fro G-d himself and Chazal, who understood G-d's will better than anyone else.

I have absolutely no problem with this way of thinking, which, I believe works for many people. Personally, I definitely feel connected in some way to this school of thought, but not completely.

S'forno's response is: "What is understanding Mitzvos on a deeper level." Meaning...although we believe that G-d's "intellect" goes way beyond anything we can comprehend,we must attempt to understand what we can. Yes, Talmud Torah can help us reach this goal, but more is required. We have to discover what Torah values mean to us, without compromising following the rules. We should be more direct in out thinking and focus on what each commandment and story is telling us, as opposed to simply learning Torah like it is any other legal system. We have to look for the meaning and not wait for the meaning to find us.

In this way of thinking, the goal can be accomplished without intense Talmud Torah. The key elements are honesty, self-reflection, and thoughtfulness. Yes, Torah knowledge is needed, and more knowledge can only enhance our achievements, and yes, the values come from the Torah. However, the focus is more on meaningful actions than meaningful study.

Again, I identify with this way of thinking as well, but not completely. As usual, I don't think these theories to be mutually exclusive, and that a balance can be found, or at least attempted.

2. According to S'forno, the Torah is telling us an order of priorities.

If this passuk really is teaching us a process by which our actions meaningful the order must be taken into account. The Torah first mentions doing the mitzvos, then making them meaningful. The message, I think, is clear. As smart as we think we are, and as much importance we place in individuality, we have no right to compromise on what G-d commands. The baseline is following the mitzvos, and from there we go on to the next stage, Finding Meaning. In this generation particularly, where everyone has an opinion, and everyone is a scholar (or at least thinks they are), this is an important thing to keep in mind.

Parshas B'chukosai: Step by Step

2009-05-15T07:45:00.003-04:00

No, this is not a d'var Torah about The New Kids on the Block. It's actaully just cut and paste out of the Reishit Yerushalayim parsha email (I'll post my own after davening). But it makes me happy that there is at least one Rebbe somewhere who has his head on straight. I hope he gives his students this message as often as possible:

GROW AT THE RIGHT PACE by Rav Shalom Rosner

The Ohr HaChayim has 42 explanations on the first verse in Bechukotai. The sixth commentary teaches a very practical and important lesson.

The Mishna in Pikei Avot says: “V’lo am ha’aretz chasid.” Most understand this to mean that if a person does not know Torah, he cannot be righteous. We must learn in order to know what to do to reach great spiritual heights.

However, there can be a different meaning. It could be understood to mean that a person who does not know a lot SHOULD NOT act righteous. This means that a person should not skip steps in spiritual growth. A person cannot accept all types of stringencies upon himself if he is not yet observing the basics.

This, explains the Ohr HaChayim, is the meaning of the first passuk. “Im bechukotai teileichu” – “If you observe all of the basic laws” – “v’et mitzvotai tishmiru” – “then you can take on additional stringencies to further enhance spirituality.” But it has to be one step at a time. That is how a person can succeed and truly achieve righteousness.

Rav Shachter quotes the Baalei Mussar who learn this lesson from a Gemara in Chulin. The Gemara teaches (105) that Mar Ukva viewed himself as inferior to his father. His father used to wait 24 hours between meat and milk while Mar Ukva only waited from one meal to the next (which most Rishonim understand to mean 6 hours.) Why didn’t Mar Ukva simply wait 24 hours like his father? Did he crave milk that badly? If 24 hours is better then why didn’t he strive for that?

The Baalei Mussar answer that even the great Mar Ukva understood where he stood spiritually and that internally he was not as righteous as his father was. Thus, while he could have forced himself to wait 24 hours, that was not who he was and that would have been skipping steps along his spiritual ladder. Thus, his assessment that he was inferior came first and then he did not wait 24 hours, not the other way around.

All of us must always be growing spiritually. Let us heed the lesson of this passuk in our Parsha, the Mishna in Avot, and the Gemara in Chulin and make sure that we are observing all of the basic mitzvoth before we begin to act with stringencies. If we take this approach, we will ultimately reach the stage where we can accept the stringencies as well and we will, thus, insure that our avodas Hashem is real and everlasting.

Gotta love those Lag B'Omer trips

2009-05-11T07:27:00.018-04:00

Tomorrow I will be enjoying one of the perks of teaching, the Lag B'Omer trip. We will play ball all day, and I will not be able to walk for a week. All those who have enjoyed these trips over the years should be familiar with this cast of characters:

1. Legendarily athletically talented rebbe - Rumors are that he was asked to try out for the Yankees but he said no because of Shabbos.

2. Kid who strikes out every single time - No matter what you read in the Olameinu story books, he does not get a hit on his last at bat to win the game, nor does the other team take it easier on him to make him feel good. Actually, the entire field moves drastically closer when he is at bat. Somehow this kid always comes up with the bases loaded, and the other team says "Yes! Aryeh's up!" and his team says "No! Aryeh's up!" and they try to convince him to go play roller hockey.

3. Overzealous-in-charge-of-the-barbecue kid - This guy is present at all school functions. You may also see him as gabbai at a shabbaton or setting up the musical equipment for a chagigah. He guards the hot dogs and hamburgers like they are his children. His favorite saying is "Hey! How many did you have so far?"

4. Rebbe who tries to get everyone to wash for their hot dog buns - Never works.

5. Kid who makes the softball teams - He always puts himself up fourth and playing shortstop but is never even close to as good as he thinks he is. He also spends at least two weeks beforehand working on his team's batting order and who is playing what position.

6. Self-righteous barbecue kiss-up - Makes sure to be the first on line for the food so that he can ask overzealous-in-charge-of-the-barbecue kid if it's okay if everyone takes. Also acts as bodyguard and bouncer of the grill telling everyone to "move back please!" and "make room so that overzealous-in-charge-of-the-barbecue kid can give you your food!" This is either a ploy to get more food than anyone else or to get overzealous-in-charge-of-the-barbecue kid to adopt him as sidekick for future events.

7. Kid who takes the game too seriously - Often doubles as kid who makes the softball teams. He yells at his teammates every time they make a mistake and gets really mad when people start leaving to go to the barbecue. He knows exactly what his stats were for the day, but gives himself a hit every time he gets on because of an error. Names himself game MVP.

8. Rebbe who "dresses" to play sports - This guy takes off his tie and jacket, but still wears suit pants and a short-sleeved white dress shirt. He puts on really old sneakers ("tennis shoes"), and may or may not wear a baseball hat. if he does wear a cap, the back part will almost surely be made of mesh.

9. Kid who wears sunglasses even if it's really cloudy - Really wants to be cool, but just doesn't get it. His glasses also come attached to a string or croakies.

10. Really charif rebbe - Spends the entire time with a sefer muttering under his breath about bittul Torah. He rips the Lag b'Omer trip in shiur, but has no choice but to attend. (See also Rebbe #5 from this post.)

11. Really selfish kid - He is the first one at the barbecue, and walks around with two hot dog and two hamburger buns on his plate for at least five minutes before the food is ready. Spends the entire bus ride home asking kids: "How much did you eat? I had four and four!"

12. Self-righteous cleaner-upper - Finishes his food as fast as possible so that everyone can see how much he cleans up. He yells at people for not cleaning up even if they are still eating. His goal is to get his Rebbe to announce on the bus: "I would like to thank Shlomo for his help cleaning up. We can all learn from his example."

13. Self-righteous bus driver thanker - See #12. Applies to all school trips.

Feel free to add your own in the comments; there's no way I got them all.

Flipping Out (Part III: Lack of Guidance)

2009-05-07T09:08:00.029-04:00

I write this post with respect and gratitude towards the Rebbeim from my years in Israel. However, nobody should be immune from criticism when necessary.

I have always hated being in school. I don't have the patience to sit through class after class and spend my free time reading textbooks and writing papers. This doesn't mean I don't like to learn, I do. It's just that amount of time that school requires, combined with the abundance of boring material and teachers makes it very unappealing to me.

That being said, after graduating college, I enrolled in a Masters program for School Psychology. This program has taken me 3 years (part time) and I will G-d willing be applying to doctoral programs for 2010 (and unfortunately, these programs do not take place on the moon, as I always expected it would be by 2010). Assuming I get it in and assuming I finish in 5 years (part time), I will have a grand total of 8 years in school after college. Am I a masochist? Why didn't I at least go straight to a doctoral program and limit my years to 5?

Here is part of the answer:

One thing that I gained during my years in Israel was an appreciation for Talmud Torah. However, the impression that I got was that Talmud Torah is far and away the number one priority. This means that it should supercede any other concern in life and that it should be the most influential factor of my decision making.

At least I realized that I needed to go to college to make a living, so I went (nebach!). Then, I realized that going into chinuch may not work out, and if it did, it may not pay the bills, so I decided to go to grad school (nebach!). But, how do I decide what degree to go for or where to go? Obviously, I should make my decision based on how much it will affect my learning!

So, I chose to go for a Masters instead of a Doctorate, and to attend an easier (aka: worse) program because I could do it while being in yeshiva (in addition to the fact that I probably couldn't get in to a better program because I didn't take college seriously enough for the same reasons). Now, when I look back, I think that was the wrong decision, although things, thank G-d have worked out great, so I can't regret it. However, I am looking at another 5 years of school instead of looking forward to getting my doctorate in a year or so.

I'm sure there are many others out there with stories like mine. Many probably still have the same attitude that I had and are suffering for it. I'm not going to pretend that my decisions weren't made by me; I take plenty of blame. However, I think that yeshivos in Israel are also culpable for allowing this potentially damaging attitude to root itself in many of their students.

As we have discussed, the flipping-out phenomenon is a result of being unable to find a middle ground. When people become inspired, they want to act upon it, and the easiest way is to take things to the extreme. This way, a person doesn't feel that they are compromising their beliefs and enables them to define themselves through those beliefs. This is all very understandable (to me, at least). A perfect example is a person planning their future around the amount of Torah they will be able to learn. If they take other things into account, or place less emphasis on the Talmud Torah factor, they may feel that they are compromising Talmud Torah and that they are not a "Ben Torah."

The yeshivos in Israel do nothing to stop this from happening, or at least to temper the outcome. They teach and inspire, and take little to no responsibility to what happens afterward. It's the same reason why many people hate Dr. Phil. He brings people on his show, and says what he wants to them without having to deal with repercussions. He will never see them again, so he can rip them for being bad people or bad parents, and make them cry becasue he doesn't have to worry with cleaning up the mess afterwards. A regualr therapist will be a lot more careful with what they say because they are dealing with the long-term process of healing their client. Similarly, the yeshivos can inspire, influence, and say whatever they want becasue once the kid goes back home, he is not their problem any more.

And don't let them fool you. They will say "What do you mean? We have a representative of the Yeshiva in America! He gives a shiur twice a week that is open to all former students! Also, we give their phone number out, so the students can call them at any time!" This is not taking responsibility. These representatives are not actively helping student who don't come to them. Secondly, they generally focus on offering religious guidance. The topics are usually things like "staying frum in the workplace," or "keeping strong in galus," or something like that.

So, they will claim "Why should that be our concern? We inspire the kids religiously, and it's should be up to the parents/academic advisers to make sure the kids are making the most of their education." The problem with this is that the kids give little to no credence to what their parents and teachers have to say. This is a result of the same problem. How could a self-respecting Ben Torah take the advice of his parents or teachers when they don't represent Torah the way their Rebbeim do. The result is that these kids continue on without realizing what they are getting into and there is no one left to intervene.

There are many Rebbeim out there who are happy with this outcome; it represents what they believe. But for all those out there who believe their students should be more career-oriented, it's time they did something.

Remebering what it's like (again)

2009-05-04T13:31:00.007-04:00

Maybe someone is trying to send me a message. I was away for Shabbos (community and shul will remain nameless) and heard an interesting "speech." The minyan in which I was davening shacharis had its fair share of talkers, but nothing drastic. There was no buzz or hum, and a person walking in during davening would not think of this a noisy minyan. However, every good minyan has to have a talking-in-shul vigilante, and in this case he decided to use the bimah as the forum for his well-intentioned attempt at improving the quality of everyone's relationship with G-d. This discourse came on the heels of a emitting few sharp shhhh!s to silence the evil talkers throughout davening. Here is what he said, almost word-for-word:

"If anyone has something better to do, you can go do that outside. And that goes especially for those who have been talking the entire davening."

Obviously, this wasn't said in the nicest tone of voice either.

Does anyone in the world think that this speech is effective? Or appropriate? Most people will just think this guy is a jerk and will talk even more to get him upset. And the people who actually stop because of this speech will do so because they were made to feel like idiots.

Seeing this person made me realize what a jerk teachers can potentially be. All sarcasm does is make people feel stupid. Kids can be especially vulnerable to this, especially in a classroom where everyone is a little more self-conscious.

Anyone who knows me and is reading this must be thinking that I am one of the most sarcastic people they know, if not the most. How do I deal with this?

Easy. I teach High-School boys. They have a much higher tolerance for sarcasm. So, I do have a bit of leeway, but not much. I am tested every single day by all the stupid things my students say. I am always thinking things like "did your mother smoke crack while she was pregnant with you?" But instead I say, " that's a nice suggestion, does anyone else have another idea?" Or something like that.

Every day is full of these tests, and it pays to meet people like shul-jerk to keep us in line.

Parshas Kedoshim: The Burden and Freedom of "Kedoshim T'hiyu"

2009-04-30T07:26:00.018-04:00

Being holy, that's what it's all about. So why does G-d feel the need to command us specifically to be holy?

The is a highly popularized explanation of the Ramban which basically goes like this:

Yeah, mitzvos are to make us holy, but not all of life is so clear-cut. There are many details in life that are not covered by specific "do this, do that" guidelines (how much to eat, how much to spend on a car etc...) and our job is to sanctify ourselves in those areas using our own boundaries. And on the other hand, it's possible that a person can earn the dubious title naval b'rshus haTorah: someone who follows all the specific guidelines mentioned in the Torah, but is a completely unrestrained in the non-controlled areas.

Maybe you are thinking: well, maybe Ramban only meant this as a drash. However, I have seen (albeit in only one context) that R' Moshe Feinstein uses this Ramban as one of the reasons that smoking marijuana (or hashish, as he refers to it) is assur; it is an indulgent activity which flies in the face of Jewish values.

To me most interesting part of this concept is that it allows for subjective areas in halacha. So many of us were taught that "the beauty of halacha is that it touches all aspects of our lives: how we eat, get dressed, talk etc... and it tells us the proper way to serve G-d in every way possible," or something to that effect. But apparently, this isn't completely true; although the mitzvah of kedoshim t'hiyu does tell us that we should be aware of Jewish values in everything that we do, it does not always tell us what is right and wrong.

How can the Torah leave it up to us? Why should we have to ask ourselves what G-d would want us to do? What is gained?

I have two approaches, and I think both are correct:

1) G-d, better than anyone, understands the fact that we need to feel like individuals and we need to enjoy life. He also knows that every person finds meaning differently. So, in order to strike a balance between the control of the Torah and necessity of individuality, G-d allowed certain aspects of our lives to be regulated by us.

2) There are the commandments of Torah and there are Torah values. In order to impress upon us the significance of Torah values, certain areas omitted from the list of "do's and dont's." By leaving thing out the Torah forces us to to make our own decisions, decisions that are meaningful to us and based on Torah values.

There's the d'var Torah. Now, let's get political, liberally and conservatively:

Liberally:

Unfortunately, the significance of subjectivity and the beauty of individuality has been lost on much of our generation. How many people out there think that there is a specific way for a "Ben Torah" to dress and spend his free time? Lots. How many people out there think that a "Bas Yisroel"(I purposely replaced the 'a' of yisrael with an 'o') has to stay away from certain professions and has to to look for specific characteristics in a shidduch? And unfortunately, this close-mindedness has reached the point of masquerading as Halacha Moshe MiSinai.

This doesn't mean that people shouldn't strive for growth. However, every person is on a different level, and to impose your way of life on others is, I believe, contrary to the message of Kedoshim T'hiyu.

Conservatively:

The other side of this message is that we must govern our lives within the confines of the Torah, even in areas not discussed by halacha. It is often difficult to decide what is right and wrong in these areas and even harder to follows those decisions, but that doesn't remove our responsibility. However, for many Jews, this concept isn't even on the radar. Torah values include modesty and humility, two values that many in our generation ignore. Affluence and immodesty are pretty common in many of our communities, perhaps, due to the absence of the message of kedoshim t'hiyu.

As always, we must be honest with ourselves and find our own balance...

Remembering what it's like

2009-04-29T17:35:00.005-04:00

When I talk to certain people about my experiences as a teacher, they think it's funny. Usually, these people are the ones who know me the best. This is because they are thinking about how much you-know-what I gave my teachers over the years, and they are wondering why I would want to put myself in that same situation. However, this is part of the reason why I want to become a teacher. I know what it's like to hate school and I want to help students have a more pleasurable school experience, or at least a better student-teacher relationship.

Sometimes, I forget exactly what it is like to be a student...but tonight I got a reminder.

I signed up to attend a state-required seminar in order to get certified as a school-psychologist (I will hopefully be getting my Masters degree in June). It is made up of two classes, the first from 4:30-6:30 pm. I walked into the class 15 minutes late and got the classic look-at-the-wrist-in- order-to-make-student-feel-stupid-for-coming-late from the teacher who promptly told me that my 45 minute trip into the city was worthless because she would not sign off that I attended b/c of my tardiness.

Man am I upset. I could easily get the information from the first 10 minutes, but she doesn't care. I could explain to her why I was late, but she doesn't care. If I am late, I am late, and that is why I am sitting in the computer lab writing this instead of attending the seminar. I don't think it's fair, but that doesn't matter, I am just a student.

Maybe I'll be more sympathetic to my students tomorrow. Maybe.

Flipping out (Part II: Too Much Change)

2009-04-27T09:06:00.024-04:00

In our last post, we discussed the importance sending religious messages that people can relate to. Here is another good example of this principle.

A good friend of mine was speaking to one of his former students about the year in Israel. The student wanted to know how to convince his parents to allow him to go back for another year. My friend gave him the following advice:

According to the Midrash, part of what helped the Jews merit redemption from Mitzrayim was the fact that they didn't change their names, way of dress, and way of speaking. Therefore, if you want to redeem yourself from having to spend the following year in America, do the same.

Meaning, don't drastically change the way you dressed before you went to Israel, don't start talking like you were born in Lakewood (shkoyach does not mean "thank you"), and if your parents call you Matt, don't change your name to Moshe (this rule is especially important if you have a Yiddish name like Fischel or Beinush). Most parents have no problem with their kids learning, it when they start acting like they are from a different continent that parents get nervous.

All this is great advice, and is a lot deeper in its comparison to Yetziyas Mitzrayim. What is so special about the three things we didn't change in Mitzrayim? The answer is that they all relate to our identity. No matter what we did or where we were in Egypt, we always identified ourselves as Jews first.

This challenge is one that we are faced with almost every day of our lives, some more than others. We want to set an example for those around us and at the same tie retain our identity as Jews. It is for this exact reason that many have the practice to change how they walk, talk, and dress. They feel that we are in a modern day Mitzrayim and the must act accordingly.

I think that this attitude is a little extreme. The most crucial element to us losing our identity in Egypt was the fact that we were slaves. Last time I checked, we didn't have that problem in the United States. In fact, many of us own slaves, we just call them live-ins. Additionally, we have created a bunch of insular communities (yes, I consider Teaneck and the Five Towns as insular) that prevent a lot of assimilation.

So, why go through all these drastic changes? It just removes our ability to relay our message to those around us. This is particularly relevant for those we are closest to, who will feel especially heartbroken and disconnected when they can no longer relate to us.

Parshas Metzora: Don't say "lashon hara"

2009-04-23T13:31:00.006-04:00

Much of the underlying tension between the "Ultra-Orthodox" and the "Modern-Orthodox" centers around the emphasis of ritual. The Ultra-Orthodox lament that the Moderns don't care enough about following halacha strictly, whereas Modern Orthodoxy feels that there is an overemphasis on halacha in the Ultra-Orthodox world to the point that they follow many things they don't have to. I personally think there are merits to both arguments.

One way combat this tension is to emphasize the underlying ethics of halacha. As we bring out the universal principles within our legal system, those caught up in ritual will hopefully realize there is something beyond the acts that are encouraged or prohibited by halacha, and those who are repelled by ritual will hopefully realize that the rituals themselves are more than mere actions.

A good example of this concept is use of the term lashon hara. Often, people find themselves with groups that are not so careful how they speak about other people. Sometimes, they may feel comfortable enough with these people to suggest a break in the lashon hara. However, if you actually say "guys, please stop with lashon hara," chances are it will produce nothing but a moment of awkward silence, and a few sarcastic smirks and rolls of the eyes. Why? Because you used the ritualistic (halachik) term as opposed to emphasizing the actual wrong is being done.

Maybe saying "Guys, can we not talk behind someones else's back," or "how can you judge him/her if you don't know their situation?" would be more effective.

On the flipside, those that are careful about "lashon hara" as it is legally defined, may miss out on the message. A person may be careful not to insult anyone, but not as careful when judging them, or when actually speaking to that same person. We must follow rules as rituals, yet be cognizant of the message.

So, here is a nice vort explaining the message of lashon hara (I stole it from a Yeshivat Reishit Yerushalayim email):

SEEING THE WHOLE PERSON by Rav Yehoshua Landau

The Parsha describes the process of a person becoming a metzora including the Kohein's responsibility to actually declare him impure. The Passuk says "And the Kohein sees the blemish in the skin….and the kohein sees it and declares him tamei." (13:3) Why does the Torah repeat that the kohein sees it? Those words, "v'ra'ahu hakohein," seem to be completely extraneous!

The Meshech Chachma's answer to this question can be illustrated through a story related by Rav Mordechai Kaminetsky involving Rav Chaim Ozer Grodzinski. A young boy came before Rav Chaim Ozer and asked the gadol for a letter of recommendation for his father who wanted to be the Rav of a certain town. Rav Chaim Ozer knew that the father was not worthy of this position but he did not want to outright reject this boy who clearly traveled so far on behalf of his father. So, the Rav made up an excuse about not wanting to mix in the business of another town and the like. The boy was frustrated and began pressing the Rav and actually crossed certain lines of respect in the process to the point that Rav Chaim Ozer had to stand up and leave the room.

The boy left and Rav Chaim Ozer returned to the room. His students asked him why he did not rebuke the boy for the disrespectful manner in which he was speaking. Rav Chaim Ozer explained that he had to look at the entire picture. Here is a boy who was clearly desperate to assist his father and who knows what the situation is like for him back home. In extenuating circumstances one has to overlook certain things and, therefore, he did not rebuke the boy.

The Meshech Chachma explains that the kohein goes through a two step process before declaring the person impure. First, he must check to see if the blemish qualifies as tzaraas based on all of the intricate laws. However, even if the kohein determines that it qualifies as tzaraas, he must check into the person himself to assess if this person can become a metzora at this point. The impurity was a spiritual one which depended on the kohein making this declaration. If the kohein, after looking into the person's situation, "v'raahu oso," concludes that he should not become a metzora, then he is absolutely not a metzora regardless of the type of blemish. Thus, it the person is a chosson or it is close to a yom tov, or if there is any other reason not to make him a metzora, the kohein has that power of discretion and that is captured by the second "seeing" described in the verse.

A very meaningful and timely lesson can be learned from this idea. All too often we react reflexively to someone who bothers us or is acting improperly. We do not pause to consider that there might be any number of reasons why the person is acting this way. We must take that extra step, just like kohein, to determine what is really going on with this person before reacting with rebuke or negativity.

There could be no more perfect time to work on the attribute of judging the entire person as we learn in Pirkei Avot, then during the Omer. As we mourn the deaths of Rabbi Akiva's sons and strive to respect one another, let us all begin that process by giving others the benefit of the doubt and truly understanding why they are acting the way they are acting before reacting ourselves.

Overstepping their Bounds?

2009-04-22T10:43:00.024-04:00

I recently heard of a school that sent an email to the parent body about a upcoming party. The party was (it has been subsequently postponed) to take place somewhere near Monsey and was designed to attract Jewish and non-Jewish teenagers and would presumably include drinking, drugs, and promiscuous activities. Apparently, the school informed the parents that any students who attend this party will be expelled. The question is begging to be asked... as Jewish educators, to what extent do we have the right and responsibility to interfere with what kids do outside of school.

The snap response in this case is probably "Of course! We, as m'chanchim have a responsibility for not only the intellectual well-being of our students, but also for the 'spiritual' well-being."

However, to make a point by exaggerating: let's say you overhear a student talking about getting together with a bunch of friends on Shabbos to play Scrabble, the deluxe edition. And let's say you sent out the following email to the parent body:

As a Yeshiva, we have a responsibility to teach our students to love Torah and value Halacha. For this reason, we are coming to you with some disturbing information. As you may or may not have heard, there is a public Scrabble game being played at the Guttman house Friday night. Normally, this would not be an issue, but the alleged game is being planned for the Deluxe Edition! Unfortunately, according to all English Halacha seforim, playing the deluxe version violates the melacha of koseiv d'oraissa. Therefore, in order to properly teach our students the value of hilchos Shabbos, any student found out to have played the game will be given detention.

Obviously, there would be outrage, and understandably so.

So, why is the party any different? Where do we draw the line between concern and control?

Here's are two possibilities. The first one, I think, is what most people's first thought would be, but I don't like it, and will explain why.

1) The difference is in terms of the degree that Jewish values are affected. Everyone knows that people throughout their lives are going to violate halacha, both by accident and on purpose. Like we discussed in our last post, we are not perfect, and we can't expect ourselves to be. So, we have to pick our battles, and save them for the serious stuff. Based on the amount inappropriateness that goes on at these parties, our case definitely qualifies as serious stuff. Therefore, schools have the right to intervene to prevent this party from taking place.

This explanation assumes there to be instances where it is okay for a school to threaten students in order to enforce Jewish values. This, to me, is a very bold assumption. The primary functions of chinuch are teaching information/skills, and instilling positive Jewish values. By basically forcing students not to attend a party, neither is being accomplished. Values are not being instilled, they are being imposed, and that is a big difference. So, we are stopping a bunch of kids from partying. So, they will have one less aveirah on their plate. In my eyes, that doesn't rationalize taking away their free will to attend or not to attend. They haven't really gained anything except more ammunition and spite towards their school.

Within this approach, I have no problem with informing parents about the party, it's the threat of expulsion that doesn't sit right with me.

Unfortunately, as we have mentioned before, the lack of Jewish values in many of our students' homes has convinced us that we have to act as educators and parents. This really compromises our ability to provide a more understanding picture of Judaism and our ability to educate.

Or, maybe I'm wrong.

2) Here's where I draw the line: Do you want kids that go to these parties attending your school? Their answer(I'm assuming finances are not involved) is no. Obviously, the schools know that there are other parties, and even if they expel two or three or ten kids for going to this one, there will be others left in the school. But since this party, and "guest list" on Facebook was made public, an opportunity is there to show the students this is what we will not tolerant within our environment. This, I have no problem with because it focuses on the school's well-being. And for that, the school has every right to threaten expulsion.

Hopefully, one day, we will be able to leave all the worrying to the parents.

Accountability (Part 2: Too much of a good thing)

2009-04-20T06:56:00.012-04:00

Anyone following the current steroid issue in baseball should be familiar with the following phrase: The code of the clubhouse.

This phrase has been used to place blame on those players who have ratted out others for taking performance enhancing drugs. Those players have broken the clubhouse code. People aren't supposed to find out from other players what happens behind closed doors. Players should be watching each other's backs and keeping each other's secrets, because they would want the same protection.

At first glance, this argument seems stupid; if a player is doing something immoral or illegal (not that I can imagine professional athletes doing either) why should another player not take a stand and turn their fellow player in? Wrong is wrong, and should be dealt with accordingly. However, I don't think that this argument is completely off base.

Throughout the course of our lives, many of us do questionable things. Some of our actions may even qualify as immoral or illegal. Obviously, our bad deeds range in degree. They may be as harmless as making an illegal right turn on red at 3 am, taking an extra 10 minutes for our lunch break, or calling in sick when we aren't sick. If we are caught, we become criminals, liars, and jerks, but if we aren't, we carry on as if nothing happened.

If people were held accountable for every last thing they did, and if we were constantly being watched, nobody would have a good reputation. People are quick to judge others, even though they may have as many faults themselves or more. We can't expect people to be perfect, but we also don't want to know about all the things they do wrong. So, the best policy is don't ask don't tell. Obviously, this has limits, and I think steroids goes beyond that b/c it involves cheating and deceiving the public.

How does this relate to chinuch? In our last post on this subject, we talked about the lack of accountability that is prevalent in many schools. Many administrators and parents have no clue what goes on inside the classrooms. This lack of supervision may be part of why our system may produce fewer of the student we would like it to. However, the code of the classroom may be necessary for a few reasons:

1) Teaching is a very fluid profession. What works for one student or class may not work for another. Therefore, teachers need a longer leash in terms of getting to know their class and figuring out what works for them.

2) Teaching is a very sensitive profession because it deals with children. If teachers were under constant scrutiny, we would have firings left and right. Every time a teacher does something a bit out of line it is amplified because our kids are involved; there is little tolerance.

3) A large part of teaching is subjective to the teacher. Teaching is not a science, not even close. What works for one teacher does not necessarily work for another. And if that other teacher just happens to be the principal, we end up with a detrimental conflict.

One one hand, I think that teachers need a little more accountability, both from the administration and from the parents. On the other hand, nobody can really appreciate what a teacher goes through with their particular class, so too much can be a problem as well.
However, if we feel that our schools are not producing students with the knowledge and skills we are expecting them to, maybe a little investigating may be necessary.

Then again, I would like to keep my job.

Here's a classic rebbe line

2009-04-20T06:51:00.003-04:00

...that you will not catch me saying:

Student: Rabbi, are we allowed to go to the movies during S'firah?

Rebbe: You should be asking me if you can go to movies even when it's not S'firah! Heh heh.

The Current State of the Pesach Seder or: Why Tom Hanks was not Cute When he Became an Adult in "Big."

2009-04-14T10:18:00.018-04:00

I figured this post is better said after the first days as to not ruin anyone's sedarim.

What is it about the sedarim and tolerating dorky tunes? It starts with the mah nishtana. I understand that the standard tune is cute when your five year-old is saying it, but why is the same tune used when the youngest is 15 and being forced to say it? Then there's Avadim Hayenu. The "avadim hayenu, ha-ye-nu.." tune sounds like it was invented by a morah at Haftr or something. Also, I'm pretty sure the tune for Baruch Hamakom is either an Uncle Moishy or 613 Torah Avenue song. Which brings us to Dayeinu. I don't care how hallowed the classic tune is, or how many unaffiliated Jews know the words to Dayeinu becasue of the tune, it is completely nerdy.

But it doesn't end there, chances are, if you at a seder which mostly involves people who went to Modern Orthodox day schools, you will end up singing the classic day school Hallel tunes. These, to me, are the worst. You can always tell which guys haven't paid attention to davening since their bar mitzvah becasue they use these tunes to daven Hallel for the amud at age 47.

The low point of our seder this year was singing "Ten makos, makos ten, the mitzrim were punished again and again..." No problem if there are little kids around, but the youngest person at the seder was my sister who is in sixth grade. And I'm not even going to discuss "Who knows One."

What's the problem here? So we use cute songs for our kids, and if we don't have little kids, we just use the tunes that we normally use. What's the big deal?

I think for many people, the childish tunes have staying power because that is how people define their seder experience. Like the 47 year-old man using 7th grade tunes for Hallel, many of us have not developed our understanding of the leil haseder since we were 10. We ask the same exact questions every year and give the same answers every year. We sing the same exact tunes without stopping to notice what the haggadah actually means.

Like we discussed before, if our education begins and ends with Uncle Moishy, we are in trouble. There exists a large group of Orthodox Jews who have not deepened their understanding of Judaism since their Bar and Bat Mitzvhas. To avoid this problem in the future, we must be careful to provide students with the skills, not just the information, they need to succeed and grow in the future.

Note: This post in no way represents how I feel about my family...seriously.

Baruch Dayan Haemes

2009-04-07T14:03:00.003-04:00

For all those who have not yet heard, David Rottenstreich passed away this morning. Please continue to learn l'iluy nishmaso.

Additionally, If anyone would like to send in pictures of David ע"ה with their thoughts and/or memories of him please send them in to ThoughtsOfDavid@gmail.com.

Update: The levaya will be tomorrow morning, 8:30 a.m. at the YI of Hillcrest.

What's the Deal with the Mah Nishtana?: Teaching by Example

2009-04-07T08:03:00.014-04:00

The z'chusim from this should go to the refuah sh'leimah of Dovid Chaim Yosef ben Sima Perel and Aliza Rachel bas Liba Yenta.

A major mitzvah (or maybe the major mitzvah) of the seder night is telling the story of yitziyas mitzrayim. This mitzvah is focused on the children, as the passuk says: you should tell your children..." So, if the point is to tell your children, there must be some major chinuch ideas we can get from the Haggadah. For this, I would like to utilize the mah nishtana:

Interestingly, the four questions of the mah nishtana are focused on pointing out the strange things we do at the seder, and we don't even answer why. Imagine the following scenario:

The bell rings

Teacher: Okay class, today in halacha, we are going to learn some strange things about Judaism. Isn't it weird that on Succos we walk around in circles with branches and fruit? That makes no sense! And what's about Tzitzis? Boys are supposed to wear strings on a shirt that has four corners? Stu-pid! Anybody have other examples?

Jerry: Oooh! Pick Me!

Teacher: Yes, Jerry.

Jerry: What's the deal with Shabbos? We are supposed to rest, so why can't we turn off the lights? How do I rest with the lights on? I mean, come on!

Teacher: Beautiful Jerry! That is a great example of how strange our religion is. Okay everyone, have a wonderful Shabbos! Don't forget to share what we learned at the Shabbos table!

Not exactly the paradigm of chinuch.

So, what is the deal? Why are we encouraging questions that we don't answer (at least not directly)?

I would like to give an answer based on one of Rav Soloveitchik's ideas recorded in Har'rei Kedem:

(If you can't (or don't want to) follow the technical details, you can just skip the section in gray)

Shulchan Aruch paskins that you have to eat another k'zyais of matza if you forget to lean for the first one.

Q: Why worry about eating matza again? Just lean for your Korech, and that should be enough!

Question Explained: The only reason why we eat matza separate from Korech is b/c we don't want to eat the matza which is d'oriassa with the marror which is d'rabbanan. And since leaning is only d'rabbanan, your chiyuv to eat again while leaning is only d'rabbanan, so the problem is solved!

A: There are two chiyuvei d'oraissa of matza. One is the actual eating. That, you fulfilled without leaning. However, the second is using matza to tell the story, and that cannot be fulfilled without leaning. So, if you ate without leaning, you still have a chiyuv d'oraissa to eat matza as part of the story. Therefore, it can't be eaten with marror which is only d'rabbnan.

This idea also comes up when discussing the 4 cups: The Gemara has a safek whether to lean for the first 2 cups, or the last 2 cups. The Gemara explains that the question is as follows:

On one hand, The first two cups are drunk before we actually become freed in the story, and the last two are drunk afterwards. So maybe we should only lean for the last ones.

On the other hand, the first two are drunk while we are still slaves (so to speak), so story is still going on. But the last two are drunk after the story, so maybe we should lean for the first two.

Either way, we see that drinking the 4 cups is partially a function of telling the story.

So, we see from a few of the mitzvos ha'laila that there is a mitzvah to tell the story not only through words, but through actions as well. This would help us explain why we are not afraid to encourage questions and not answer them:

If all we do is teach through words, utilizing logic and instruction, we are opening ourselves to 2 problems: 1) We will have a much harder time showing the beauty of Judaism. 2) We will not have answers for things we can't explain, and since we rely solely on words, we are left without explanation.

However, if we teach by example, our children will learn to appreciate Judaism, even though they (and we) don't understand everything. They will see that our religion goes beyond ritualistic behaviors which aren't always understood, and helps build a meaningful way of life. They will have questions, but will find meaning without all, or even some, of the answers. (Of course, this is not to say that explanations are not meaningful, just that they shouldn't always be necessary.)

So, during the seder night, we tell a story, not only with words, but by example. We are not afraid to encourage questions, and we are not afraid to leave things unanswered. Additionally, we learn a valuable lesson for our lives, that our actions can have a greater positive effect on others than anything we could say.

(for more on this topic, see this post.)